Haunted By the Past
by InfinityStar
Summary: What can a guy do to get little brother's attention?
1. Getting His Brother's Attention

Sometimes, it took a lot out of him, and this was one of those times. Eames could see it in his eyes, in his posture, in the lack of energy in his body. He took comfort in nailing the man who'd beat his twelve-year-old son almost to death, and in taking his wife down as an accessory for not stopping it. But this was a hard one because it struck close to home. Thirty-three years ago, that twelve-year-old boy could have been him.

She watched him from her desk, face buried in his hands, but she didn't know what to say. She didn't know if there was anything she could say. A hand came to rest on her shoulder and she looked up at Deakins. "Good job in there, guys."

"Thanks," she answered.

The captain looked at Goren, then pulled out his wallet and handed Eames a couple of bills. "Take him home, Alex. Stop and get a few drinks on me, and then take him home. I'll see you guys on Thursday."

"Thanks, Captain."

They'd earned a day and a half off. "Did you hear, Bobby? The paperwork can wait."

With a heavy sigh, he nodded. He was exhausted. She watched him force himself to his feet and she followed him from the squadroom.

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They sat in a booth at Delaney's, waiting for their drinks. She was quiet, but she watched him. He knew she was watching, and he didn't care. "Hey, guys."

They looked up as Logan and Barek approached the table. Logan nudged Goren and slid in beside him as Barek took a seat beside Eames. Logan raised a hand at the waitress. "Hey, Kelly! Two burgers with the works and coffee."

She waved at him and he turned back to the table. He saw Eames' annoyed face and said, "We won't harrass you all afternoon. We're grabbing a late lunch and Deakins asked us to check on you." He looked at Goren. "I saw part of that interrogation. You held it together. I'm impressed. For a minute there I thought you were gonna lose it and take the guy out."

"Don't think I didn't want to."

"Yeah, well, there's a good reason they don't let us step in there armed. A couple of good reasons, actually."

He looked up when Kelly set a cup of coffee in front of him and Barek, a beer for Eames and whiskey for Goren. "Thanks," Logan said. Then he looked at Goren again. "I saw it in your face, Bobby."

"Saw what?"

"Who were you seeing? Your old man? With me it was my mother in there with you."

Goren looked up at Eames, then at Logan. "Yeah, it was my father."

"Well, I won't get into swapping war stories today, but I can't say I would have done as well with a suspect like that."

"You can't let them see you lose your cool. You lose everything if they know they got to you."

"That's when your partner takes over. You know, covers your ass."

Again he looked at Eames. She did that, and more.

Across the room, on the other side of the bar, a pair of dark eyes watched the four detectives closely. He was nursing a gin and tonic and remembering, and he wondered if his little brother remembered, too.

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By the time Logan and Barek were done eating, Logan had Eames laughing and he'd managed to coax a grin from Goren. Eames wasn't sure if it was Logan or the whiskey that had relaxed her partner, and she didn't much care. They paid the tab and got up to leave. As they got to the door, a voice stopped Goren cold. "A cop named Goren. Who would ever have thought?" When Goren didn't turn he said, "I'd heard you were back in the city, after Germany."

Quietly, Goren answered, "I left Germany almost twenty years ago. I see how interested you've been."

"What can I say?"

Finally he turned. "Not a damn thing, Bill. Just go back to hell and leave me alone."

"Not gonna introduce me to your friends?"

"No." He stepped between Bill and Eames as he turned to head back toward the door.

"Protective, are we, little brother?"

Goren closed his eyes. A bad day just kept getting worse. He chose not to answer and continued toward the door. "Where's Mom, Bobby?"

He hesitated. "Why do you care?"

"She's my mother, too. Just because you were her favorite..."

Goren spun. "Her favorite? I'm all she had after you and Dad took off. And when Dad died, where were you then? I've got nothing to say to you, Bill."

"I guess you've moved up from those seedy joints Dad used to take you to."

Eames didn't have to look at her partner to feel his tension. She looked at Logan, who moved to place himself close enough to grab Goren if he had to. Bill moved closer, barely glancing at Logan, but letting his eyes linger on Barek and Eames. Barek knew the look and snarled at him, "Not in this life, buddy."

He laughed. "You like 'em feisty, huh, little brother? Never would have thought that of you."

Goren glared at his brother. Eames turned toward him, pressing herself into his side as she slid his gun from his holster into her waistband. He looked down at her and she met his eyes. She was taking no chances. Bill laughed. "Ah, I see. You prefer blondes."

"It's not all about living in the gutter, Bill. I never took after Dad."

"Of course not. You were always Mommy's boy. Why do you think she went to such lengths to protect you?"

"Protect me?"

"Yeah. She didn't want 'them' to get you."

"Half the time I _was_ 'them.' And if I remember right, you weren't there."

Bill laughed. "True. I was hanging out with Dad, getting laid and drunk and enjoying life, while you were at home getting the demons beat out of you."

Eames laid a hand on her partner's arm. "Let's go."

"I want to know where Mom is."

"Go to hell."

Logan stepped between the two men as Goren turned to leave with Barek and Eames. He didn't take his eyes from Bill until the door closed behind them. As they headed for the parking lot, Logan pointed over his shoulder with a thumb. "_That's_ your brother?"

"Yeah. Last I heard he was living in South Jersey."

"Twenty years ago?"

"No. Six months ago. Someone called me about his gambling debts. I told them basically what I told him. I bear no responsibility for his addictions."

"Bobby..." Bill came out of Delaney's and was moving down the sidewalk toward them. "Don't hide behind your friends."

Goren turned around and faced his brother. "I'm not hiding from anyone. That's your specialty."

"So talk to me."

"Why? I owe you nothing."

"Bobby," Eames said softly. "Let's go."

To emphasize her point, she laid a hand on his arm. He looked at her, then back at his brother. Shaking his head, he turned away and followed his partner to where Logan and Barek waited for them.

Bill watched his brother get into the SUV with the pretty little blonde. He leaned against the wall and lit a cigarette as she started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. When he was certain they could no longer see the bar, he jumped on his motorcycle and followed them.

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Eames pulled up in front of Goren's apartment. "Do you want me to come up?" she asked.

He shook his head. "I'm ok, Eames. I'm just gonna take a hot shower and watch some TV. I'm afraid I won't be good company tonight."

"Like that's ever stopped me."

He smiled and touched her cheek. "Call me later."

"Ok. If you change your mind, just let me know."

She leaned toward him and kissed his cheek. "I know it's been a bad day. Call me if you need to talk."

He nodded and got out of the car. She watched him walk toward the building and in through the door. The day had taken a lot out of him, but it was nothing a few hours of sleep wouldn't restore.

She pulled away and drove off, not paying any attention to the motorcycle that drove along behind her.

------------------------------------------

He went into the apartment and shrugged out of his jacket. He took off his gun, which Eames had returned to him in the car. He wouldn't have used it...but he couldn't swear that to her and he was grateful to her for watching out for him, like she always did.

Seeing his brother had unnerved him. It had been many years since he'd seen Bill. He had forgotten how much his brother looked like their father, and seeing him again filled him with such unexpected rage he had to consciously keep himself from shaking. He'd always been grateful for being enough of a blend of both parents that he did not bear a striking resemblence to either. Of course, that had always fueled his brother's adoption jokes. And Bill could always make Dad laugh with his cruelty.

It wasn't Bill's fault that he looked like their dad, but the turn his life took _was_ in his control. The fact that he stumbled down the same path Dad had taken in his life was unforgivable to Goren. William Goren, Jr.--drinker, gambler, carouser...a tribute to his namesake.

After a hot shower, he felt calmer. He ordered a pizza and flipped on the television. After a few minutes, he reached for the phone and dialed. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's me."

She laughed. "It's been what? An hour?"

"I was thinking about you, that's all."

"What were you thinking?"

He laughed softly. "I'm not sure I should tell you."

"Why?" There was a noise in the background. "Hold on, Bobby. Someone's at the door."

He sat up straighter as he heard anger in her voice, but he couldn't make out what she was saying. Finally, she picked the phone back up, but it wasn't Eames who spoke to him. "Hello, little brother."

"Bill? What are you doing there?"

"Getting your attention. Now your girlfriend here will be perfectly fine as long as you listen to me."

"What the hell are you doing, Bill? Gambling aside, Dad was never a criminal. Kidnapping a cop...that's serious. And if you harm her..."

"What, Bobby? What are you gonna do? What did you ever do?"

"I'm not ten years old any more, Bill."

"No, and now you have a gun. Gee, I'm scared." Same taunting tone...

"Ok. You have my attention."

"Good. I'll be in touch. And remember, keep your buddies out of it. I can hurt her bad before any of you get to me."

"Where are you going?"

"You can figure that out. Think about shit that happened back when you were...eleven or twelve. Something Dad and I did...unless, of course, you blocked it out." He laughed. "See you soon, little brother."

The line clicked. He grabbed his keys and ran out the door.


	2. On the Road

This was just humiliating...tied up with her own damn handcuffs and a roll of duct tape, trussed like a Thanksgiving turkey and dumped unceremoniously across the back seat of a nondescript late model Cavalier. She looked toward the driver's seat. He didn't really look a lot like Bobby. There was a family resemblance, but Bill's features were more angular, his hair several shades lighter and straight. He looked a lot older...apparently, his hard living had aged him. He didn't seem to be stressed by any of this, though, calmly attending to the road and singing softly along with the radio. This _had_ to be a nightmare...but she wasn't waking up.

He glanced over his shoulder at her and smiled. No...there was none of Bobby in his smile. Bobby's eyes, when he smiled at her, were warm and gentle. There was little warmth in Bill's smile. "Just relax, little lady. I'm not planning to hurt you at all."

"What _are_ you planning to do?"

"I guess that all depends on Bobby."

"You are _not_ going to use me to torture your brother."

"Oh? And how are you going to stop me, sweet thing?"

"I'll figure something out."

He laughed. "You are a spunky little thing. I guess my brother has developed a taste for spunky women."

"What makes you think that?"

He sighed. "So full of questions, too. I was watching you from the time you came into that bar. Pure luck, that was. I'd just stopped for a drink on my way to your office. It sure made things a lot easier for me."

"I'm _so_ glad we could accomodate you."

He laughed again. "I am very impressed with Bobby's choice in women. And never mind denying it, I saw the way he was looking at you. I know my brother well enough to know he's not going to let this just slide. He's going to come after you, my dear."

His assertion made her very uncomfortable because she knew he was right. "Where are you taking me?"

"We're going camping, sweetheart." He chuckled. "Let's see if Bobby remembers what happened when Dad and I took him camping when he was a kid."

"First of all, stop calling me that. I am not your sweetheart or anything else. Second of all, this is _not_ the way to get anywhere with your brother. All you're going to do is piss him off, and since you haven't been around for the past, what, twenty-five years, I can tell you from experience that isn't something you want to do."

"You can't tell me Bobby has ever been mad at a sweet thing like you."

Gritting her teeth, she replied, "Of course he has. And I've been mad at him. That's normal, Bill." She shifted uncomfortably. She knew this was not going to do anything to cement the relationship between the brothers, but maybe there was something she could do to mitigate the damage Bill's rash actions had caused. She wanted nothing more than to protect her partner, this time from himself. "You know, this position is really hurting my back, and I need to use the restroom."

Bill was quiet. "All right, we'll stop at the next rest area. But you'd better not try anything..."

"Don't worry. I'll make a deal with you. I promise I won't do anything if you untie me and treat me like a person instead of a sack of potatoes. Let me call Bobby and talk to him."

"Why should I let you call him?"

"Because I can calm him down so he won't shoot you when he catches up with us."

"He wouldn't..."

"I wouldn't bet on that. You don't know him any more. He's all grown up now, Bill. He's not the kid you tormented any more."

"Tormented? Is that what he told you? I picked on him and teased him a hell of a lot. I'd do almost anything if it got me Dad's approval. I was his favorite and Bobby was Mom's. I guess that's why she never tried to keep 'them' away from me and why Dad mostly ignored him. But I don't think I ever 'tormented' him."

She felt the car slow down. He parked it and opened the back door, grabbing her arm and helping her slide out. He pulled off the duct tape and took her keys from his pocket so he could undo the handcuffs. She stretched and rubbed her wrists. Then she looked at her partner's brother. Years of alcohol abuse showed on his face, but at one time he'd been a handsome man. She still couldn't get a read on him though. He seemed to be as good at hiding himself as Bobby was. "I'll be right out."

He grabbed her arm. "I want your word, sweetheart. On my brother's life."

"You have my word. I'll be right out. And if you call me sweetheart again, I'll deck you."

He stood outside the door of the building waiting for her and was relieved when she came back out. As they walked back toward the car, she said, "Ok, I kept my word."

"You can sit in the passenger seat." He pulled her cell phone from his pocket. "I talk first. What's his number?"

"Speed dial '2'."

They got in the car and he pulled back onto the highway before he pressed the '2' and waited for his brother to answer.


	3. Contact

The apartment wasn't locked, but he burst in anyway, knowing what he'd find. And he found exactly what he expected. Nothing. His gut clenched when he saw the roll of duct tape sitting on the couch. He walked around the living room, hand on his head, mind running a mile a minute but getting nowhere. Closing his eyes, he stopped and took several deep breaths. Ok, first of all...he had to stay calm. His brother was a bastard, just like Dad, but he wasn't a psychopath. He wasn't going to kill her. But the thought of him touching her, talking to her, even looking at her...that was enough to drive him nuts.

He continued pacing. _Think about shit that happened back when you were...eleven or twelve. Something Dad and I did...unless, of course, you blocked it out. _When he was eleven or twelve...that was just after his father left. There were so few things he ever did..._Dad and I_... He lowered himself onto the couch. The Poconos. He was taking her to a cabin up in the Poconos. His father had taken them up there the summer after the divorce, the summer he turned twelve. He'd broken his arm up there, when Bill knocked him out of a tree. His father had taken him to the emergency room, but he hadn't been happy about it. And he was the one who'd been punished for letting Bill shove him out of the tree. Dad had really been pissed when Bill knocked him out of the rowboat and they had to go back to the hospital. But he never punished Bill for any of it... He shook his head.

_And remember, keep your buddies out of it_... His buddies. Meaning don't bring in the police. What the hell? He _was_ the police. And so was Eames. He pulled out his phone and dialed. "Logan."

"Mike, I need your help."

"It's your friggin' day off..."

"Mike..."

"Damn it, Bobby...I was gonna have dinner..." He trailed off. "What did you do?"

"Meet me at Eames' place."

"Something is wrong, right?"

"Would I call you if everything was fine?"

"Ok, ok, calm down. I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"Get here in ten and I'll buy you dinner."

He was still pacing restlessly when Logan arrived. He poked his head in the door and looked around. "What's wrong?"

"Um, this goes no further than you and me."

"Where's Eames?"

"We're going up to the Poconos. I'll get you dinner on the way."

"The Poconos? Wait a minute. Have you lost your mind?"

"Not yet. Let's go."

He shoved him toward the door. Logan stopped and looked at his friend. He was looking into the eyes of a man on the edge. "Ok, man. We're going to the Poconos. On the way, you can tell me exactly _why_ we're going to the Poconos."

As they headed for the car, Logan said, "I'll drive."

Goren frowned. "Why?"

"Because you're wound too tight. We're taking the SUV, right?" Goren nodded. "Good. Now toss me the keys."

It wasn't worth an argument. He tossed the keys at him and headed for the passenger side of the SUV. Logan started to climb into the driver's seat, forgetting that Goren wasn't the one who drove, and stopped long enough to slide the seat back to accomodate his height. Starting the engine, he looked at Goren. "Shall I just point the car toward Pennsylvania and drive?"

"Good enough. I'll tell you where when we get closer."

He pulled the car away from the curb. "Ok. In the meantime, you can tell me why. Where the hell is Eames?"

"Bill's got her."

"'Got her?' What are you talking about?"

"I mean Bill's got her and he's taking her up to a cabin in the Poconos."

"Why would your brother grab her? She would _not_ be my first choice of a hostage."

"My brother has always gotten a lot of enjoyment from my misery. He learned from my father well. Mostly Dad was just apathetic, but he could be cruel, and Bill learned that from him. When I was 11, Dad took us camping for a week in the Poconos. I think mom was in the hospital. Bill mentioned that camping trip so I'd know where he took her."

"But why did he take her anywhere?"

"I don't know. He said he wanted my attention."

Logan shook his head slowly. "Even I'm not stupid enough to want your attention by sending you off the deep end. You think he'll hurt her?"

"No. I don't think so. But I'm not going to give him an excuse to do _anything_ to her."

"Come on, Bobby. She'd never let him do anything." Goren turned to look out the window, not answering. "You know her. I think I'd feel more sorry for _him_."

"Just drive. Don't talk."

Logan shrugged. This was going to be a fun trip...

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The phone rang, pulling him from a cesspool of very dark, angry thoughts. Once he'd withdrawn and turned into himself, Logan left him alone. He knew him well enough to know when he could harrass him and when it wasn't safe to mess with him.

Goren pulled the phone from his pocket, flipping it open. "Goren."

"Hello, little brother. Do I have your attention now?" He didn't answer, struggling to keep his composure. "Bobby?"

"How is she?" he asked tightly.

"She's fine. How are you?"

"You don't want to know."

"You sound angry. Have you lost your sense of humor?"

"This is _not_ funny, Bill."

"Well, I think it is. I'm having a grand old time here with your girl. She's quite a spitfire."

Logan glanced at him, not missing the dark glare that settled across Goren's normally calm features. He decided it was best to keep his mouth shut and just drive. "If you lay a hand on her..."

Bill laughed. "I'm touching her," he taunted. Goren frowned. What was he? Six? There was an audible slap and he heard his partner's angry voice, but he couldn't make out what she said.

"Bobby?"

"Alex? Are you all right?"

"Yes, but your brother won't be if he doesn't watch his step."

Logan watched as Goren visibly relaxed. He could feel his own tension ease as well. At least Eames was ok so far.

"Listen to me. I'm fine. Bill is not going to hurt me and he _is_ going to behave himself. I need you to calm down. What are you doing?"

"Heading toward the Poconos."

"Good. Keep going. But don't freak out, ok? I can take care of myself. You know that."

"You're sure he hasn't hurt you?"

"I think I would have noticed. All he's done so far is annoy me. I won't lie to you, Bobby. Ok?"

"Ok. So if I call back?"

"I'll answer. But you have to calm down, do you hear me?"

"I _am_ calm, Eames."

"Don't wreck that SUV," she warned. "We have enough paperwork to do as it is."

He almost smiled. "I'm not driving."

"Who is?"

"Logan."

She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. If he wasn't driving, he was free to dwell on his thoughts. "Just remember what I said. I'm fine. I'll see you soon."

"Don't worry. As long as he doesn't hurt you, I might not hurt him."

She let that slide. "Do you know where to go?"

"I think so."

"Just take it easy."

He closed the phone and started thinking. Logan kept glancing at him. "She is ok, isn't she?"

"What? Oh, yeah. She's fine. She says he's going to behave himself or she'll hurt him."

"See? That's why she'd never be my first choice for a hostage."

"Now I'm not sure what I want."

"What are you talking about?"

"I know her. If he tries anything she _will_ hurt him, and I'd love to see that. But I don't want him doing anything to her."

"Yeah. I know I wouldn't want to cross Carolyn. That could prove painful."

Goren nodded in agreement, leaning his head back against the headrest. He felt calmer, knowing she was ok, but he was still ready to kill his brother. He was calm, but he was angry, and that was the worst way for him to be.


	4. Strolling Down Memory Lane

"Do you have _any_ idea where we're going?" Logan asked. "I don't particularly want to drive around Pennsylvania for the next week looking for your stupid brother. Eames will have beaten him to a pulp by then anyway."

"I know where we're going. Just stay on this highway."

They drove in silence for a short distance before Logan said, "I'm impressed."

"By what?"

"By you. You're awfully calm. Either she convinced you not to worry or you're plotting something serious. Wanna share?"

"I have nothing to share."

"Come on, Bobby. You're pissed. And when you get pissed _and_ quiet, I worry."

"He's my brother..." he trailed off.

"And you don't have anything to do with him. He shows up out of the blue and you blow him off. So he gets your attention by kidnapping Eames and taunting you. What gives?"

"I-I don't know."

"He wants something. Why didn't you tell him where your mother is?"

"Because she doesn't need the stress of dealing with him."

"Suppose he makes you choose?"

Goren looked at him. "Choose what?"

"Between Eames and your mother."

Goren considered that. It might be something Bill would do. He just shrugged. "I'd shoot him."

No one was going to make him choose between the two women who were most important in his life. To one he owed his existence; to the other he owed...everything else.

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"Why are you doing this?"

"What?"

"I can't believe you're that stupid, Bill. Why are you picking on your brother like this?"

"I've always picked on him; he's my little brother. That's what big brothers do."

"Bullshit. I have four brothers and none of them has ever done anything like this."

"They don't know what fun they're missing."

"Fun? I can't say this is _any_ fun for Bobby."

"Well, what about me? Don't you care that I'm having fun?"

"Actually, Bill, no. I don't...especially since you're doing this at his expense and I do care about him."

Bill smiled. "So you're sweet on my brother?"

"You're an idiot. He's my partner; he's my friend." This was not a conversation she cared to have with him. So she changed the subject. "What are you planning to do once we get to the cabin?"

"Just gonna leave him a note and move on."

"_What_?"

"The cabin isn't my destination. It's just a stop on our stroll down memory lane."

"You're insane. I am not going to sit by and..."

"Yeah, you are. 'Cause if you don't, I _will_ destroy my brother. He was always fun to tease and mess with, but truth be told, I never cared much for having a little brother. I have his undivided attention now, thanks to you. I really don't want to hurt you, but if I have to, I will. And little brother won't like that at all." He shook his head slowly. "No, he won't." He glanced at her. "I saw something in his eyes when he looked at you, pretty lady. Destroy you, and I destroy my brother. I think you _will_ just sit and take it, just like he will because he doesn't know for certain if I will hurt you or not...and neither do you."

"What do you want from him?"

"That's between him and me." He smiled and quietly laughed. She didn't like the sound of that at all...so she began thinking of a way to get both her and Bobby out of this unharmed.

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Goren got out of the car and looked around. Logan did the same. "Nobody's here," he observed.

"Really?" Goren snapped.

"Hey, man, you asked me to come along. Don't take it out on me."

"I'm sorry. I'll be right back."

He went into the cabin. When Logan heard a crash from inside, he pulled his gun from its holster and started toward the door. He stopped dead when Goren came out of the cabin, blood dripping from the fingers of his left hand, a piece of paper clenched in the fist of his right hand. He didn't even want to know what put that look on his face. Goren shoved the note into Logan's hand and flicked the blood from his as he headed for the car. Logan watched him pull his handkerchief from his pocket and wrap his hand in it before he got back into the car.

He uncrumpled the note and read it as he walked toward the car. _Very good, little brother. You did remember. Let's see how your memory is for other things. Do you remember that first poker game Dad had to drag you along to because Mom was in the hospital? Now that was a fun time. What did Dad call it? Your 'induction into manhood'? And don't worry, your girl is still safe and unharmed in my keeping._

Logan got behind the wheel and looked at Goren. "Where to?"

"Brooklyn."

"What?"

Goren looked at him and he raised his hand. "Ok. Brooklyn, it is. Feel like telling me what this is about?" He held up the note.

Goren looked out the window as Logan pulled away from the cabin. "I was twelve or thirteen. My mother was in the hospital and he wasn't going to miss his poker night to babysit. Bill would have been around eighteen then, so he was part of the group. I was a tag-a-long. So they played poker and I played gopher. Dad thought it was funny to make me take a drink everytime one of them ordered me to get them a drink. They played poker and got drunk...I just got drunk. Man, I was sick as a dog. And he thought it was hilarious." His face was dark. "After that, I started taking off everytime Mom got sick enough to be put in the hospital." He looked at Logan. "You have no idea what I owe Lewis and his family."

Logan nodded, his own face marred by a dark frown. "Yeah, man. I do."


	5. Poking the Hornet's Nest

Eames sat back in the passenger seat, looking out the window and trying very hard to swallow her anger. With that anger came another emotion...fear...but not for herself. She was afraid for Goren. She couldn't imagine what he was going through right now, and she didn't want to...but she couldn't help it. "I need to call him," she said suddenly.

"What?"

"I need to call Bobby."

"Why?"

She frowned at him. "Because he needs to hear my voice, that's why."

Bill again laughed that laugh she hated to hear. "That's exactly why you shouldn't call him."

"You are treading a very fine line here, mister. Now give me my damn phone and let me call your brother. You have already pissed me off, and I promise you, you don't want to push me any further. I'll shoot you myself the first chance I get."

He considered that as he glanced at her. He saw a look of total seriousness on her face, and he found himself believing her. "All right. Call him."

He handed her the phone and she pressed the speed dial button that called Bobby's phone.

He snapped the phone open. "Eames?"

"I'm ok, Bobby."

"Do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"Knock the shit out of my brother so we can catch up and I can kill him myself."

She smiled. She couldn't help it. "Are you ok?"

"No, Eames, I'm not ok. I'm worried about you, I'm beyond furious at him--and if he lays a hand on you, I _will_ kill him--and I have all sorts of images bouncing around my head that I wish had remained repressed."

She couldn't even imagine that, and sleep, though never easy for him, would probably be near impossible now. "Are you still calm?"

"At the moment."

"Do you know where we're going?"

"Yes. And you'd better fucking well be there when I get there."

"I don't have much control over that, Goren."

He closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths. "I'm sorry. I...I know."

Softly, she said, "It'll be ok, Bobby. Keep your cool."

He rubbed his neck. "I'll try."

"I'll talk to you again."

"Be careful, Eames. Please."

"Try not to worry. I'm fine."

She closed the phone and reluctantly handed it back to Bill, who smirked. "Wasn't that sweet? How is my little brother?"

"I wouldn't want to be you for all the tea in China."

He laughed. "I can handle Bobby."

"I wouldn't bet too heavily on those odds, Bill. Not any more."

Bill drove on in silence, beginning to wonder for the first time if he had underestimated his baby brother. He'd made that mistake just once before, and it'd had dire consequences for them both. Was he headed down that same path once again?

-------------------------

Logan drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, debating with himself whether or not to attempt talking to the brooding guy in the passenger seat. Geez, he hated it when Goren was brooding. But he had no idea how to snap him out of it. Eames would know. She always did. It never ceased to amaze him how well she knew her partner and how she handled his sometimes difficult moods with apparent ease. There was a deep affection and understanding between the two partners, something he could only hope he might someday have with any partner. He liked Barek and they were getting used to each other. If she one day got as familiar and easy with him as Eames was with Goren, he might just have to marry her.

"Um, is Eames ok?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what, Logan? The fact that I'm coiled so damn tight I'm about ready to spring? Or the fact that I'm worried about Eames? Or maybe that there is so much crap in my head right now I'm half a step from...fuck...never mind."

"I guess your brother has stuck his stick in a hornet's nest and he just keeps poking."

"Something like that."

"You had a bastard for a dad, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Beat you for nothing?"

"Sometimes."

"That was my mom. I made the mistake of bringing home the wrong brand of booze one time. That one hurt."

"He beat me once for getting hit by a car."

"No shit? Where did you go to get away? Lewis' house?"

"As often as I could."

"Mine was Charlie. Two long blocks away. But he had a good mom...she knew how to make the hurting stop. A good hot meal went a long way toward fixing some of the hurt."

Goren nodded. "But who chases the nightmares away? When you remember the nights you spent locked in a closet so 'they' wouldn't get you, or when you remember the beatings you got when you suddenly became 'them,' who the hell makes it better?"

"I'm still looking for that person, but you already got her, man."

"What?"

"I've seen the shadows in your eyes sometimes. And I've seen her chase them away. She'll get you through this, too...so you'll be able to step back away from, well, the crap in your mind."

Goren ended the conversation by turning back toward the window. And he retreated from the memories for the moment by allowing himself to think about his partner. Logan was right...Eames kept the demons away much of the time. They always broke through, and they always came back, but she was always there and he could live with that. What he couldn't live with, though, was the mere thought that she would be taken away. Without her in his life...that was a thought he dared not dwell upon.


	6. A Bar in Brooklyn

Logan pulled up to the curb and parked. "Want me to go in with you?"

Goren gave it some thought. "Yes."

Without hesitating, Logan got out of the car. Walking to the bar's door, Goren reached for it, but Logan's hand on his shoulder stopped him. "Whether they're in there or not, you need to keep your cool, man."

Goren let his mind digest Logan's words before he nodded. "I'm ok."

He pulled open the door and stepped into the bar.

He was not at all prepared for his own reaction to the place. He hadn't been here in thirty years, but the place had not changed at all. The same bar with the same men bent over it...the same tired waitresses running drinks and food to the same type of patrons...the same drunken laughter spilling from the back room...

He saw himself as a young boy, worried about his sick mother, running--because walking would have gotten him a beating--from the bar to the back room, listening to the laughter as his father forced him to take a drink every time he brought one back there. Gin...he couldn't stomach it even now. As the night wore on, he would stumble along the same route, getting smacked around for spilling the drinks...until he'd finally collapsed, over there, beside the bar. One of the waitresses had felt bad for him, helping him to one of the booths and cleaning the vomit from his face...He could still hear the laughter...

"Bobby?"

He shook himself from the memory. "They're not here."

Logan gave him a gentle push to the bar. When the bartender came over to them, he said, "We're looking for a guy who would have been here earlier, might have been with a girl, might have left a message for us."

The barkeep looked under the bar, pulling out an envelope. "Goren?"

"Yep. That's us. Thanks, man."

Goren took the envelope and opened it. A twenty-dollar bill fell to the bar. Ignoring it, he opened the paper. _You have a good memory, Bobby. I hope you are enjoying this little visit to the past as much as I'm enjoying being your guide. Enjoy a couple of drinks on me, and head to Canarsie Pier. Remember the fun we had at Jamaica Bay? What were you? Eight? Ten? See you soon, little brother. Your girl says hi._

Making a fist, he crumpled the paper in his hand. "I'm getting tired of this game, Mike." His voice was low and tight, dangerous in Logan's estimation.

Logan reached forward, touching the note, which Goren readily released. He read it. "Your brother's a sadistic bastard."

"He learned from the best." He picked up the twenty and motioned to the bartender. Handing it to him, he said, "Thanks for the message."

Logan followed him out of the bar. As he walked, Goren pulled his phone from his pocket and held down the '2'. Leaning against the car, he waited for the phone to be answered.

"Hello, Bobby."

"Where the fuck are you, Bill?"

"That's for me to know..."

"I'm tired of playing games. I don't need to relive my goddam childhood. It was bad enough the first time. Let me talk to her."

Bill was quiet for a minute. "You going to the Bay?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Sure you do. You don't have to do any of this. But then I can't promise you what will happen to this sweet thing sitting beside me...Hey!"

"Shut the hell up! Bobby?"

He closed his eyes tight. "Eames..." The tone of his voice disturbed her. "Eames...I...I don't know if I can do this."

"I'm waiting for you. We'll be ok. You _can_ do this. Bobby...?"

He snapped the phone shut but he didn't move. Logan watched him for a minute. "Tell me you didn't just hang up on Eames."

Goren looked at him, confused. "What? Oh, shit..."

Logan reached out, took the phone, and hit redial. Holding the phone to his ear he waited to see who would answer. "Bobby?"

"No, Eames. It's Logan."

"What's going on?"

"Your partner here's walking a tight rope, and he's not too steady."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I'll take care of him till I get him to you. Then he's all yours and I'm gonna take my ass home...unless you need me."

"Thank you. I'll see you soon. Take care..."

When she trailed off, understanding dawned. "Let me guess. Big brother there has no idea Bobby's not alone. Shit. Ok. Try not to worry about him, Eames. Later."

Closing the phone, he put it back in Goren's hand. Absently, Goren dropped it into his pocket and looked at Logan, who held his hands out and shrugged. "What happened at the Bay?"

"They...we...went fishing...It wasn't a good day."

"What'd they do? Use you for bait?"

"Actually, yes."

Logan just stared at him for a minute, watching him get into the car. He slid behind the wheel and started the car before he looked at him. "They did _what_?"

"I was their bait for reeling in...conquests. But I ended up pissing off my brother and he threw me off the pier. I hit my head and damn near drowned, but another fisherman jumped in after me and pulled me out. When we got home, I got beat for annoying Bill."

Logan had never heard him talk with such bitterness. "Did your dad do a lot with you?"

He shook his head. "No. After the divorce, I didn't see him much at all. I tried to make him notice, but not much I did got his attention. And the few times I did get his attention, well, I wished I hadn't."

"I hear ya. I spent my childhood trying to avoid getting my mom's attention. It wasn't a good thing when she noticed me."

"I never knew what to expect from my mom. One day she'd sit down and talk to me, ask me about my girlfriend or Lewis. When I was little she'd read to me or play games. But a couple of days later, she was locking me in the closet to hide me from 'them' or beating the shit out of me because I _was_ 'them.' I never knew which it was going to be."

"So why'd you go home?"

He shifted uncomfortably, not sure why he was even having this conversation with Logan. "Because I was all she had. Somebody had to take care of her, make sure she had at least one good meal a day. I'd do my homework, give her an early dinner and then go hang out with Lewis. As a teenager, I understood her illness better and it wasn't as scary as it had been when I was little, but that didn't make it any easier."

"My mom's favorite dinner came in a bottle. I was on my own for food or whatever. I just tried to stay out of her way."

Goren looked out the window into the night, filled with restless anxiety. "He'd better not lay a hand on her."

Logan agreed. He didn't think even Eames could stop him if his brother did anything to push him over the edge. "How do you want to do this? Apparently, Bill doesn't know you aren't alone."

"Just hang back and play it by ear."

"Promise me something?"

"What?"

"Don't do anything that'll get your ass arrested."

"We'll see."

Logan was not reassured by that answer. This was not going to go down well, he could tell. And it was going to be up to him and Eames to keep Goren from doing anything he would end up regretting for the rest of his life.


	7. Confrontation on the Pier

Logan pulled the car into the parking space beside the Cavalier. "Looks like they're here this time."

Goren nodded. "They're out on the pier."

"What are you gonna do?"

"I'm going to see what my bastard of a brother wants and then I'm going to kick his worthless ass."

"Bobby..."

"Hang around if you want or go home. I don't care." He opened the door, stopping to look at Logan. "Thanks for coming with me, Mike."

He got out of the car and slammed the door. Logan watched him as he pulled out his gun, checked it and slid it back in its holster as he headed for the pier. "Shit," he muttered, opening his door and getting out of the car.

Eames saw the car pull into the parking lot from where she was sitting on the pier. She could tell Logan was behind the wheel. She hugged her knees as a cool breeze blew in off the bay. She was so tempted to knock Bill off the pier...but she was bound at her ankles and her wrists, and he had cuffed her right wrist to her left ankle. She wasn't going to be making any graceful getaways. She wasn't even sure how much she'd be able to do to help her partner.

She heard the echo of a slamming car door bounce around the pier. That would be Bobby. She also heard a second door closing but Bill didn't seem to notice. He was tense, pacing back and forth, smoking a cigarette and drinking from a bottle he had in his jacket pocket. Great. She had no idea how this was going to go down, but she could not imagine a scenario that was going to end well. For the first time, she wasn't sure she was going to be able to handle her partner.

She watched him approach. Oh, this was so not good. Even at this distance she could see his tension. Logan had not been kidding. Bobby was on the edge and it would take very little to knock him off. Bill pointed at him. "Hold it right there, little brother," he called.

Goren stopped about ten yards from where they were. "Are you ok, Eames?"

"I'm fine. Are you?"

He didn't answer, and that wasn't a good sign. She shifted her position, and Bill glanced at her. "You stay right where you are, sweetheart, or you're going swimming."

"Call me sweetheart again and you'll be the one swimming."

"What do you want, Bill?" Goren asked. She could hear the tension in his voice. Resting her chin on her knees, she watched him. Beyond him, just coming on to the pier from the parking lot, she saw another figure. It could have been anybody, but she knew better. It was Logan. The fact that he was still there concerned her almost as much as her partner's obvious tension.

"Did you like our little stroll down memory lane, Bobby?'

"No."

"What's the matter? No fond childhood memories?"

"Very few. You know that."

"Come on, brother! Loosen up. Your girlfriend is fine! I didn't harm a hair on her head."

"You said you wanted my attention. You got it. Now what do you want?"

Eames watched as Logan casually made his way closer. Bill took no notice. "First, who cleaned out Dad's apartment?"

"I did."

"Why?"

"Somebody had to do it, and I had no idea where you were."

"Didn't you try to find me?"

"Why bother? I was his son, so I took on the responsibility. That's something you have never done. You never took responsibility for anything or anyone, Bill. Not even for yourself."

"Where is the stuff from his apartment?"

"Why couldn't you ask me this shit like a normal person? Why did we have to go traipsing all over creation playing your stupid mind games?"

Bill took out his bottle and took a drink. Then he pointed a finger at Goren and said, "Because I've always loved to fuck with your mind, Bobby."

Goren let out a heavy sigh and ran his hand over his hair. Eames could see his nervous energy, and she could tell how tightly wound he was. "Bobby..." she said softly. That was all she needed to do...just remind him that she was there. He looked toward her and some of his tension dissipated...just enough to keep him focused, to keep him on this side of the abyss he was teetering toward.

Bill looked from her to his brother. "You want her, Bobby?"

"What?"

"First, I want to know where the stuff from Dad's apartment is. Then I want to know where Mom is. Then you can try to come and get her."

"You never grew up, Bill. You're still playing these stupid games you played when we were kids."

"Games, Bobby? Remember Rocket? You thought I was bluffing. I wasn't...and I'm not now."

"You wouldn't dare. She's not a puppy, you son of a bitch!"

He started forward, but Bill jumped toward him. "Don't you dare!" he shouted at his brother. "Remember what happened when you fell from the pier? You didn't hit your head on accident. And there are no friendly fishermen out here tonight to save her."

Goren froze. "You wouldn't."

"I did it to you, and you're my brother." He nodded his head toward Eames. "She's a sweet piece of ass, but too much trouble for me to bother with for a good time. Give me half a reason, Bobby, and I'll toss her in the bay."

"The hell you will," Eames spat.

"Tell her what I did to you, little brother."

She could see him trembling and she looked toward Logan, who was sitting on the pier a few yards away from Bobby. He inclined his head at her, and she relaxed a little.

"Tell her, kid, or I'll show her."

Goren clamped his hand on the back of his neck and said, "He th-threw me off the pier when I was about ten. Hit me in the head hard enough to knock me out. A-another fisherman jumped in and pulled me out, or he would have let me drown..._they_ would have let me..."

Eames closed her eyes. What nightmares must be running through his head right now...memories he had long suppressed, now at the forefront of his mind. Bill laughed. "You got your ass beat for...intruding on me...You deserved that toss in the drink." More laughter. Eames let her foot slide forward, just in front of his, and he tripped over her. Spinning around to catch his balance, he glared at her. "Trip me again..."

"If I was going to trip you, you'd be in the water."

He turned back to his brother and Eames looked at her partner. She could just make out the hint of a smile on his face. Bill didn't notice. "Where's Dad's stuff?"

"I got rid of most of it."

"He had a leather bound book..."

"I know the one."

"That's what I want."

"Why?"

"Because it's mine, you little prick, and I want it. He would have wanted _me_ to have it."

"You think it's all about you. The world doesn't revolve around you, man! Your grandiose sense of entitlement...is misplaced. You never grew up, Bill. You can't come to me like a man and ask for what you want. You have to ambush me, harass me and then start playing games. I have better things to do with my time and my aggravation."

"What's in the book?" Eames asked.

"None of your business," Bill snapped.

It was Goren's turn to laugh, and Eames didn't like the sound of it at all. It wasn't his normal, easy laugh. It was his interrogation room laugh...forced and dangerous. "The old man couldn't tell you our birthdays, but he kept track of every bet, every lead and every strategy he ever cooked up in this one leather bound book. He had two sons, but that book was the thing he treasured the most. I had every intention of burning the damn thing, but if you want it, Bill, fine. You can have it."

Bill seemed to relax. "Where is it?"

"At my apartment. The day after tomorrow, stop at the information desk on the first floor of One Police Plaza. It'll be there waiting for you."

"How do I know it will?"

"Dad never taught you to keep your word, but I learned to keep mine. It'll be there. If it's not, you can come up to see me. I work on the eleventh floor."

"Cop or no cop, I'll beat the shit out of you if you're stringing me along."

"Go for it, Bill."

He had calmed a great deal, and that worried both Eames and Logan. When he was explosive, they knew he was ok. When he was all wound up and quiet, they knew to worry.

"Tell me where Mom is."

"I don't think so."

"I want to see her, Bobby."

"But I don't want you to, and I make those decisions for her. I've been taking care of her since she became unable to take care of herself. I'm not going to subject her to seeing you. She's been doing okay over the past few months, and seeing you would cause her to suffer another psychotic break. I will not do that to her, or to me."

"Ok, fine. If that's the way you want to play. It's your choice."

"Choice? What choice?"

"It's Mom or your girlfriend."

"You son of a bitch."

Bill spun around, aiming a kick at Eames' head, but she ducked away from it and rolled as her partner ran forward with Logan close behind him. She watched helplessly as he hit Bill full on the jaw and went after him. Logan knelt beside her, pulling out his keys to unlock her cuffs. He quickly untied her ankles and wrists. She got to her feet, rubbing her right wrist. "Mike..."

"Stay out of it, Alex. This is between them now."

Just because he wasn't a violent man did not mean Goren did not know how to fight. And like too many who had gone before him, Bill had under estimated his little brother...who wasn't so little any more. He got in a few good solid blows, but Bill was fairly overwhelmed by the fury behind his brother's punches. It took more than a few hits for him to realize he was no match for the brother he'd grown up beating and abusing. He had one final chance...

Spinning away from Goren's fist, Bill stepped back several paces and then ran at him full speed, hitting him hard in the midsection with his shoulder. Both men stumbled across the pier and off the edge into the bay below.


	8. Shoreline Fight

Eames and Logan ran to the edge of the pier and looked into the water. "Bobby?" Eames shouted into the darkness.

Silence. She looked at Logan, alarmed. He groaned. "Please tell me that's not a 'take off your jacket and jump into the friggin' water after my dumb-ass partner' look."

"Mike, I..."

Below them came the sound of splashing water, followed by angry voices, but they couldn't make out what was being said.

Logan grabbed Eames by the hand and gently gave her a tug. They ran down the pier and off the end into the sand. The two brothers had already reached the shallows, where the fight continued. Bill ran at Goren, knocking him backwards into the water and falling on top of him. He scrambled to plant his knees on Bobby's chest and started punching. Goren managed to knock him off with a blow to the side of the head and they both scrambled to their feet. Goren gave him no time to regroup. A few more solid blows to the jaw and Bill went down. But his brother didn't stop. Momentum carried him down as well, and he pushed himself to his knees, continuing to throw punches. Logan and Eames ran forward and Logan grabbed him, pulling him off his unconscious brother. He dragged Goren out of the water and held him fast. Eames pressed her hands into his chest, disturbed by the look in his eyes. "Bobby...come on...calm down..."

He looked at her, but she could tell he wasn't seeing her. "Come on," she said, reaching up to wipe the blood from his chin. "Come back to me."

When she touched his chin, he stopped struggling against Logan and his eyes slowly cleared. When Eames nodded at Logan, he released his hold, heading over to check on Bill. Goren continued to look at her. "Eames?"

She sighed, relieved. "Welcome back, partner," she said softly.

"I..." He watched as Logan dragged Bill onto the sand and dropped him. "I...remember hitting the water..."

He looked at her as his mind cleared. Suddenly, he grabbed her arms and studied her face. "What?" she asked.

"You-you're not hurt?"

"No."

"You're ok?"

She touched the corner of his mouth, which was swollen and bleeding. "I'm fine."

He pulled her into his arms and held her. She relaxed against him and slid her arms around his waist. Gently kissing the top of her head, he rested his head on hers. Logan cleared his throat and Goren looked at him. He nodded his head back toward the water's edge. "He's out for the count. What do you want me to do with him?"

"Just leave him there."

Eames shook her head. "We can't do that. It's against the law to litter."

Goren looked at her, head tilted to one side, an amused half-smile on his face. "So what do you suggest?"

"We can just put him in his car. But before you do that, I am so not rummaging through his pockets, and I need my phone...oh, shit...my phone..."

Logan returned to Bill's unconscious form and quickly found what he was searching for. Handing her phone to her, he looked at Goren. "And your phone was..." Goren was nodding. "...in your pocket. Nice. So if you guys aren't home before Deakins gets them replaced and a call comes in...geez..."

"Quit complaining," Goren grumbled. "I'm not going anywhere tomorrow and he'll have replacements for us by the time we get to work on Thursday."

"And if you can't reach her..."

"I can work a crime scene by myself, Logan. Or I'll just call you."

"Don't do me any favors." He hit Goren's arm. "Give me a hand carrying him to the parking lot."

They each grabbed an arm and dragged Bill toward the cars. As they got to their destination, Bill started to come around. They dropped him on the ground between the cars. Goren leaned back against the SUV and watched his brother regain consciousness. Logan bent over the hood of the Cavalier, chin propped on his hand, watching. Eames stood beside Goren, deliberately pressing her arm against his. He looked down at her. "I'm ok now," he said quietly.

In reply, she leaned her head against him, and he smiled. He couldn't imagine his life without her and it disturbed him how readily his brother had seen that and struck to use her against him. She felt him tense and lifted her head to look at him. He touched her cheek and stepped away from the car, leaning down and yanking Bill to his feet. Bill groaned as he was shoved against the car. Shaking his head, he leaned it back against the car while the fog in his mind cleared. Finally, he looked at his brother and he smiled wickedly. "Little brother, all grown up and a badass to boot. This is the first time you've ever kicked my ass."

"Be glad they were here," Goren growled.

Bill ran his hand over his sore jaw. "Well, thanks for the entertainment, kid. I'm gonna be going now. I'll come by and get my book...day after tomorrow, right?"

Goren nodded, but didn't answer. His father had always called him 'kid' and the reminder shook him.

Bill pulled his keys from his pocket, hesitating. "Are you glad he's gone?"

Goren felt his partner's hand come to rest against his back. "I can't say I'm sorry he's gone. He left me with a lot of...scars. And you're just like him."

Bill smiled. "That's the best compliment you could give me. He was a nightmare for you, but a hero to me."

Goren shook his head. "It wasn't a compliment, Bill. Now get the hell out of here before I do shoot you."

Bill looked at Eames. "It was fun, sweetheart."

Without preamble, Eames stepped forward and swung, her fist connecting with his jaw and sending him sprawling between the cars. "I told you not to call me sweetheart."

Logan laughed. "Touche, Eames."

Rubbing his jaw again, Bill sat up and smiled. "Hang on to this one, little brother." He got to his feet, slightly unsteady. "I really will be going now."

He got into the car and Logan stepped away from it. Goren put his hands on Eames' shoulders and pulled her backwards into him. He slid his hands forward onto her abdomen and rested his chin lightly on her head. She was surprised, but her only reaction was to place her hands on top of his. After the night he'd had, she did not question his need for close contact, especially with her. They watched Bill drive away. "Are you going to give him the book he wants?"

"Yes," he answered. "I gave my word. And it's a small price to pay for getting rid of him." He brought his head down so that his cheek rested against the side of her head. "Are you sure you're ok?"

She squeezed his hands. "Yes, Bobby. I'm positive. He annoyed me more than anything else. Ok, well, maybe he pissed me off more than anything else. And I wish I could have been the one to toss his ass off the pier, instead of watching him knock the two of you into the water." She turned her head to look at him. "What about you? This was a much more difficult night for you than it was for me."

She felt his body tense. He said, "I'm fine."

"Bullshit."

"Eames..."

"Forget it. We'll talk about it later."

Logan stretched. "Well, kids, this was fun, but one of us has to go to work in the morning and I am exhausted from driving all over hell's half acre, trying to keep you from snapping in half, Goren."

Eames gently patted her partner's hands and stepped from his arms. "Let's get going, then. Where's your car, Mike?"

"At your place."

He held out the keys to her and she smiled, grabbing his hand with the keys. "Thank you, Mike," she said softly.

Logan winked at her and climbed into the back seat of the car as Goren got into the passenger seat. She slid behind the wheel, started the engine and headed out of the parking lot back toward Manhattan.


	9. Bent, Not Broken

Eames parked on the street outside her building and turned off the engine. Logan leaned forward. "I'll see you guys Thursday, uh, well, I guess that's tomorrow now."

Goren turned to look at him. "Thanks, Mike. I appreciate everything you did tonight."

Eames rested her hand on his arm, which was propped on the back of her seat. "Yes, Mike. Thank you."

Logan smiled. "Not a problem."

He slid out of the car and closed the door. Eames turned to her partner. "Come on."

"Eames...I'm tired and I..."

"I have a couch. You are not staying alone tonight. So unless you'd really prefer we spend the rest of the night sitting here in the car, get out and let's go inside. It doesn't matter to me."

He hesitated. He really just wanted to...he wasn't exactly sure just what he wanted to do. His head hurt and, even more, he hurt inside, deep inside. That was a pain not even Eames could reach. There was a bottle of liquid analgesic at home with his name on it. Then he would be able to sleep.

She reached toward him and gently ran her finger down the side of his face. "Come on, Bobby."

With a heavy sigh, he found himself agreeing before he could think about it any more. They got out of the car and he waited for her to walk around to join him on the sidewalk.

Opening the apartment door, she gave him a gentle shove toward the bedroom. "You know where I put your clothes. Go get changed. You are not sitting on my couch dripping wet."

He looked down at his clothes. "I'm not dripping any more."

"Go."

While he was in the bedroom changing, she went into the bathroom, coming out with a warm, moist washcloth and a small box of first aid supplies. She set them on the coffee table and went into the kitchen. Spreading a kitchen towel on the counter, she emptied an ice cube tray onto it and folded it up. Refilling the tray and replacing it in the freezer, she picked up the makeshift icepack and returned to the living room. He had changed into a clean shirt and jeans and was now sitting on the couch. He had leaned back and closed his eyes. She set the icepack on the table, picked up the washcloth and knelt on the couch beside him. Very gently, she began to clean the blood from his face. "Look at you," she softly chided. "You're a mess."

There was a nasty purple lump over his right brow, his left eye was already bruising and the corner of his mouth was swollen and bloody. The left side of his jaw from his mouth halfway to his ear was also swollen and bruising. He had an inch-long gash near his hairline that was still oozing. He groaned softly as she ran the cloth over his bruises. Leaning over to open the first aid box, she pulled out a tube of antibiotic ointment, a cotton swab and a box of band-aids, assorted sizes. When she had finished, she returned the supplies to the box and her attention to him. He was watching her now and she smiled. "You're really going to be pretty tomorrow, after those bruises declare themselves."

He shrugged. "It...doesn't matter."

She gave that some thought. "No, it doesn't."

Even on his worst day, and she'd seen some pretty bad days, he was damned attractive. A few bruises didn't detract from that at all. She picked up the icepack and handed it to him. He placed it over his jaw, which hurt the worst, and leaned his head back, closing his eyes again. She sat back on her legs and studied him, not sure exactly what to do now. "Bobby...?"

He held up a hand and she fell silent. "It's been a hell of a night, and I'm exhausted. Can I please just go to sleep?"

"Do you think you _can_ sleep?"

That was a good question. "Got any beer?"

She nodded. "In the refrigerator."

He got up and went into the kitchen. She moved to the corner of the couch and sat, tucking her legs beneath her. He returned, handing her a beer. She took it and watched him as he sat down on the other end of the couch. He was retreating from her, and she wasn't sure she wanted him to do that. "Why haven't you asked me anything about what he did?"

He looked at her, alarmed. "Did he hurt you?"

"I told you he didn't. But that doesn't mean the things he said didn't bother me."

"W-what did he say?"

She heard the hesitation in his voice. "Do you really want to know?"

"I-I'm not sure."

She watched him fidget uncomfortably. "I won't tell you if you don't want to know. We had a really bad day, didn't we?"

"Yeah, we did. And I'm s-sorry." He took a long drink, followed by a deep breath. "Bill saw...too much."

"Too much of what?"

"Of me. He knew the way to reach me was through you, and he hit hard and struck deep. I...I was so afraid he was going to do something to you."

"Why would he?"

He got to his feet, which she had been expecting, and he paced around the living room. She watched in silence. "Because Bill is a sadist. He gets off on seeing the pain of others, especially mine. If he thought it would get him anywhere, he'd have hurt you. The best thing you could have done was exactly what you did. You showed him a strong upper hand, made him think twice about what he was doing. You didn't give him the opportunity to seduce you, or worse." He stopped pacing and looked at her. "And you stood up for me, didn't you?"

"You know I did."

"Protected me..."

"Tried to."

"And you worried."

"I tried not to let him see that, but yes. How was Logan?"

He nodded. "He was...almost what I needed, but he was enough to keep me stable. He listened to me. He...understood." He returned to the couch and sat beside her. "He understood in a way you can't, Eames. He...he had a rough childhood, too. If I had been alone..." He shook his head. If he'd been alone, there was no telling how close to the edge he would have tread...or if he would have snapped and gone over it.

"That was a good move, calling him. I'm glad you did. When I thought you were alone..." She shuddered at the memory of the thoughts that had gone through her head. "I felt better knowing he was with you."

He nodded. "I was better because he was with me." He finished the beer, frowning. "But he's still not you."

Setting the empty bottle on the table, he sighed. Beer just wasn't strong enough and he prepared himself for another sleepless night alone with troubled thoughts and the memories that fueled his nightmares. Now, thanks to his damn brother, there were more of those memories to haunt him.

She reached toward him, tentatively. She knew he needed something from her, contact, reassurance, but she wasn't sure how much he needed, or how much he would accept. She was willing to give him whatever he needed. If there was one thing tonight had shown her, it was the depth of her feelings for him. Just the thought that something could happen to him, something totally beyond her control that would take him from her forever, had struck her a physically painful blow. There was no denying that she loved her gentle partner. And he needed her now...whether he was prepared to admit it to either of them. A gentle nudge might be all it would take for him to stop his retreat into himself.

Her fingers arrived at their destination and softly caressed his forehead. He closed his eyes. "Eames..." he said softly. "My pain...is someplace you can never reach. You...can't fix it. You can't fix me. "

"I would never presume to be that good, Goren. But in order to fix something it first has to be broken. Maybe you're a little bent, but you're not broken."

He opened his eyes to look at her. "You don't know that."

She met his eyes without hesitation. "Yes. I do. I know you better than you think I do. I know your pain is deep, but you can't say I can never reach it. After tonight, I'm halfway there."

She felt him tremble under her fingers and she leaned closer to kiss his temple. His eyes closed again. "What...what are you doing?"

"Showing you something that I learned when I was a kid."

She gently kissed the corner of his eye, then the cheekbone below it. He started to say something, but the only sound that came was a soft groan. Regrouping, he managed, "What...what did you learn?"

She slid her leg over his lap and straddled him so she could face him straight on. He gasped and opened his eyes. "Eames..."

"Shhh..." She leaned closer to kiss the lump over his right eye. "Sometimes..." She kissed his left cheek. "...you can just..." Another kiss on his bruised jaw, soft, lingering. He groaned again and brought his hands up to rest on her hips. "...kiss the pain away..." She slid her lips over to the corner of his mouth. With a groan of surrender, he turned his head toward her, capturing her mouth with his. She pressed her body into his as he responded to her kiss. He wasn't sure if her theory was right, but he was more than willing to let her try to kiss his pain away.

-------------------------------------------------

He turned over and suppressed a groan. The bad thing about sleep was that when you woke up, every abused part of your body protested every movement. Slowly, he sat up on the couch and looked around. He heard movement elsewhere in the apartment and stood up, folding the blanket she'd placed on him and setting it on the pillow. He liked staying at her place because the pillow she always gave him smelled like her, and he seemed to sleep better because of it.

He went to the kitchen and leaned against the doorway, watching her. She turned from the stove to the refrigerator and almost dropped the eggs she was holding. "I didn't hear you get up."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

She put the eggs away and looked at him. "How do you feel?"

"My entire head hurts."

"You fell asleep on the couch and I wasn't about to wake you, so I left you sleeping. Did you sleep well?"

"I'm amazed I slept at all. I didn't expect to."

"But you did."

"Thanks to you."

"Now tell me how you _feel_."

He gave it some thought. "I feel...better than I thought I would for a long time. There seems to be some merit to your kissing theory."

"I told you," she smiled, turning back to the stove. "How do you want your eggs?"

"Scrambled is fine. I, um, I'm going to take a shower. Maybe my head will stop pounding."

"There's tylenol and ibuprofen in the medicine cabinet over the sink."

"Ok. Thanks."

He disappeared from the doorway. She finished the eggs and dished them onto two plates. As she set them on the table, the phone rang. She picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's Logan. I thought Goren wasn't going anywhere today, or is he just not answering?"

"He slept on my couch last night."

"Oh. How is he doing?"

"He's better today."

"Good. I was kind of worried about him. I, uh, told Deakins you guys took your phones swimming. I'll let you explain it to him."

"Gee, thanks, Mike."

"Any time."

"Everything quiet today?"

"Yeah. Things are always boring around here when you and Goren are elsewhere."

She laughed. "Nice to know we're missed."

"Well, I'm getting a dirty look from my partner. She thinks I'm avoiding my paperwork."

"You are."

"You girls are too smart. I'll talk to you later."

"Good-bye, Mike."

She hung up the phone as he came up behind her and slid his arms around her waist. She leaned back into him. "So, tell me...did I reach your pain?"

He sighed and rested his cheek against her head. "I didn't think anyone could. I thought I was in for a long stretch of sleepless nights and waking nightmares. But you chased all that away, at least for now."

"Does it still hurt?"

"Yes. But it's not a raw open wound anymore. Just a dull ache, and I can handle that."

She lightly ran her fingers along his arms and smiled when he trembled. Kissing the side of her head, he murmured, "You like cold eggs?"

She laughed. "Ok, fine, Goren. Eat your breakfast."

He gave her a squeeze before releasing her. He sat at the table and she ran her fingers through his damp hair before sitting across from him. He smiled at her, reflecting about how much better he really did feel. And it was all because of her.

---------------------------------------

**A/N: It's not over yet :-) Just wanted to toss in a bit of fluff first...**


	10. Another Blow

They headed to work early, so they could stop at Goren's apartment. He changed into a clean suit and grabbed a worn, leather-bound book from one of his bookshelves and a large envelope from his desk. "Is that what he wanted?"

Goren nodded, handing the book to her. She leafed through it as they waited for the elevator. "He was thorough."

"Gambling was important to him. He paid attention to the things he deemed important."

"Like his addictions, and Bill."

"Pretty much. And women in general...just not his sick wife."

The elevator door opened and they stepped onto it. She reached toward him, touching his jaw. He caught his breath at the unexpected touch and looked at her. Without hesitating, he leaned over and kissed her, lingering as long as he dared before the doors opened. There was a short, stocky woman in her 60s standing in the lobby as they stepped off the elevator. "Hello, Bobby," she smiled.

He returned her smile. "Hello, Mrs. Sabatelli."

She smiled even wider when Alex stepped off the elevator behind him. "Oh," she squealed. "You have a new girlfriend." She wagged a finger at him. "It's been way too long. You should both come for dinner soon." She squeezed Alex's arm. "He's a good boy, dear. Hang on to him." Smiling at him, she said, "I like this one much better than the others. And she's so cute!"

He waved to her and turned quickly toward the doors. Fairly overwhelmed, Alex followed him. "What was that about?"

"She's a neighbor. She means well. I help her carry her groceries and I've done a few repairs around her apartment. Her husband died two years ago and I guess I'm her pet project."

"Did she actually squeal at you?"

"She's...enthusiastic."

"And she likes me 'better than the others'?"

"Please, Alex." As they got to the car, though, he added, "I like you better than the others, too."

She smiled at him over the hood of the car. "Nice save, Goren."

He laughed softly as they got into the car and she started the engine. When she placed her hand on the gear shift, he reached over and stopped her from shifting. Leaning toward her, he softly kissed her. "I, uh, I don't think I said...thank you. I appreciate... um...I appreciate you."

"That's nice to hear," she replied. "And you're welcome." She gave him a kiss in return and put the car into gear, pulling away from the curb.

Neither of them noticed the Cavalier sitting by the curb a few car lengths away, or the bruised face of the driver who watched them.

--------------------------------------------

They'd barely gotten to their desks when Deakins called out, "Goren, get your ass in here!"

He looked at Eames and shrugged, setting down his portfolio on his desk and heading to the captain's office. He poked his head in. "You wanted to see me?"

"Get in here now and close the door." He waited until Goren was seated. "First of all, you took your phones swimming?"

"Logan's got an odd sense of humor. There was, uh, an...incident...the other night out at Canarsie Pier. Our phones ended up, um, in the water."

"What kind of incident?"

"It was...n-nothing."

"Nothing? But you ended up in the water? Were you drinking?"

"No."

Deakins closed his eyes and slowly let out an exasperated sigh. "Ok. I'll leave it for now." He pulled two phones out of his desk and pushed them toward Goren. "Recycle your old ones."

"Yes, sir."

He made a move to get up. "I'm not done with you yet." He shuffled through a file on his desk. "Have you seen your brother recently?"

Goren frowned, confused about why Deakins would be asking him about Bill. "M-my brother? Um, why do you ask?"

"I see that you were in a fight since Tuesday afternoon. What happened?"

"It, um, was just a disagreement."

"With your partner?"

"No, of course not. It-it's not a big deal."

Deakins leaned back in his chair and looked at the top paper in the file in front of him. "Bobby, you have a clean record. You are not a cop who's prone to violence. I have always admired that about you. You use your words first, your gun as a last resort. We should have more cops like that. I would expect something like this about Logan, but not you." He lifted the paper that was in front of him. "Yesterday, a complaint of police brutality was filed against you. IAB gave it to me to investigate. Eames has been included in the complaint. Now I want to know what it's about."

Goren didn't respond. Deakins watched a range of emotions play across his face, but surprise was not one of them. "You don't seem surprised."

"Who filed it?"

"William Goren, Jr."

Goren nodded, but made no attempt to reply. "Bobby, talk to me. Is it a legitimate complaint?"

He shook his head. "No, it's not."

"Did you get in a fight with your brother?"

He nodded. "But it was not police brutality. I did not interact with him at all in the capacity of a police officer. I never brought out my badge and I never drew my gun. I didn't arrest him, though I could have. This was a-a thing between brothers."

"Why is Eames named in it then?"

"Because she punched him."

Deakins looked surprised. "Why?"

"He called her sweetheart one too many times."

The captain choked back a laugh. He sighed. "This could go very badly for you if you don't talk to me. If IAB gets it back...you could lose your badge, and so could your partner."

"No!" He closed his eyes. "Leave Eames out of this."

"I can't because he didn't."

Goren ran his hand over his hair and sighed. "Um, my brother confronted me at Delaney's the other day. He didn't get what he wanted, so he followed us. He, um, showed up at Eames' place and...he took her."

"'Took her?' Took her where?"

"Took her hostage. He wanted my...attention."

"What did you do? Please tell me you called someone and didn't take off half-cocked after him alone."

"I called someone. I called Logan."

Deakins stared at him. "Somebody kidnapped your partner and you called _Logan_?"

"This wasn't a random stranger abduction, Captain. This was my brother. He wanted me to meet him at a cabin in the Poconos. I didn't want him to hurt her, and as long as I went along with what he wanted, he wouldn't...and he didn't. "

"So what happened in the Poconos?"

"He left me a note to go to a bar in Brooklyn and from there to Canarsie Pier. We, um, got into a fight and ended up going...off the end of the pier. He's angry, I guess, because I kicked his ass for the first time. He...regularly kicked mine when we were kids. But taking my partner and threatening her...I couldn't let him get away with that. This had nothing to do with a cop-to-suspect altercation, Captain. This was personal, brother-to-brother. Eames and Logan were there. They can tell you."

"It looks like you got as well as you gave."

He nodded. "In more ways than one. But if we take it blow by blow, and I don't mean physical blows, I...got my ass kicked from Manhattan to the Poconos to Brooklyn. He called it a trip...down Memory Lane, and that was a journey I d-definitely could have... done without."

Deakins sighed and looked at his best detective. Well, he was not about to let this take the guy down. He'd back him with IAB. Bobby hadn't done anything wrong. "Get out of here and send Eames in. Then go home. I'm unofficially suspending you both for the rest of the week while I give this some thought."

"Captain..."

"Just go. Don't worry about it. I have to do something if I want to keep it out of your record. Now send her in here and wait for her."

"I..." He sighed miserably. "Yes, sir."

She looked at him as he approached their desks. "What happened?"

"He wants to see you."

"Bobby..."

"Just go talk to him, Eames."

Twenty minutes later, she left the office, furious. She walked over to Logan and Barek's desks. Barek looked concerned; Logan looked nervous. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Captain wants to see you."

"What'd he do now?" Barek asked.

"Nothing bad. He just wants some information, Mike. You're not in trouble."

"For a change," Barek added.

Logan got up. "It warms my heart that you have such faith in me, Barek."

"Faith has nothing to do with it, Logan. I _know_ you."

He gave her a snide grin and headed toward the captain's office. Barek nodded her head in the direction of Eames' desk. "What's up with your partner?"

"Didn't Logan tell you?"

"A little bit. He was late yesterday and his ass was dragging all day. Said it had something to do with you and Goren."

Eames gave her a brief overview of what had happened the night before last. Barek just stared at her. "I don't know which is more amazing--that Bobby's brother could do something that terrible or that Logan could be that sensitive."

Eames laughed quietly. "Well, we'd better get out of here. We're being sent to the corner until Monday. Deakins says not to worry about it. He'll take care of it. But this is really hard on Bobby."

Barek nodded. "You gonna just drop him off or stay with him."

"I'm afraid to leave him alone in the state he's been in. He spent last night on my couch. I guess I'll stay tonight on his."

Barek leaned closer and spoke into her ear. "The hell with the couch, Alex. He needs more than that from you."

Eames looked at her, surprised. "What..."

"Shhh...I'm not blind. I've seen him look at you...and I've seen the same look on your face. And don't look so horrified. Most of the guys around here wouldn't recognize a look like that if it were labelled and advertised. Just take him home and make him feel better. We'll talk to you later."

Eames smiled. "Thanks."

She headed toward her partner, who had rested his head on his folded arms on the desk. She sat down at her desk. "Head hurt?"

He lifted his head to look at her. "Can you believe him? _He_ filed charges against _us_. What the hell?"

"I've had trouble believing everything he's ever done, Bobby. Come on, let's get out of here."

He sighed and nodded, gathering his things and following her to the elevator. She shook her head as they waited. "Being sent to time out because your brother is an ass. This has got to be a first."

In spite of himself, Goren smiled. No, he had no idea what he would ever do without her.


	11. An Unexpected Visit

On the way out of 1PP, Goren stopped at the information desk. "Um, that envelope I dropped off this morning. Has it been picked up yet?"

"No, not yet."

"Give it back to me. I'll deliver it...in person."

The sergeant reached under the desk and handed it to him."Here you are, detective."

"Thanks. If someone comes by to pick it up, let him know I have it. He can call me."

"Yes, sir."

Stepping off the elevator in the parking garage, they headed for the car. She looked at him, but she couldn't read his expression. "Bobby?" He looked at her but said nothing. "Are you going to give him the book?"

"I don't know. Let him show up and ask me for it like he should have done in the first place."

"It seems important to him..."

"And my sanity is important to me."

"I'm not defending him, so don't snap at me."

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way."

"Do you think he'll show up?"

"I'm sure he will if he wants the damn book."

She started the car and shifted into reverse. Backing out of the spot, she stopped to shift into drive, looking at him before she did. He was looking out the window, tense and angry. She shifted and headed out of the parking garage, leaving him to his dark thoughts, at least for the moment.

------------------------------------------

They headed down the hallway to his apartment. When they got to the door, though, he stopped, gently pushing her behind him as he set down the envelope and his binder, drawing his gun. She followed his lead and drew hers. The door was slightly ajar.

He pushed it open and followed his gun into the apartment. The living room was trashed. She saw him stiffen. He motioned her toward the kitchen as he went down the hall to check out the bathroom and his bedroom. No one was there.

Returning to the living room as he slid his gun back into its holster, he grabbed his things from the hallway. He closed the door and looked around the room, shaking his head slowly. He threw the envelope and binder across the room onto the couch. "Son of a bitch!"

"Bill?"

"Who else?"

"Why...?"

He shook his head and leaned over to pick up a book. Turning it over in his hands, he sighed, annoyed. "I don't know."

She bent over and picked up a picture. The glass was broken, but she could still tell who was in the frame. He reached toward her and took the picture from her. "I, um..." He didn't quite know how to explain how he'd gotten the picture or where it had been in the apartment because she'd never seen it before. He just sighed and made his way across the room to the bookcase, where he gently set it on a shelf.

She picked up a couple of books, carefully picking her way across the room to the bookcase. He said, "It's ok, Eames. I can get this."

"I want to help. Unless you're hiding more pictures..."

He looked embarrassed. "I, um...no." He dropped his eyes down to the book in his hands. Logan had given him the picture, but he wouldn't tell him where or how he had taken it. He'd just smiled and walked away. He'd kept it in his bedroom, on the dresser, a spot he felt she was least likely to see it. Why Bill had chosen to bring it into the living room to smash, he had no clue.

He looked up when she touched his hand. "Uh, Logan took it, but he wouldn't tell me when or where."

"It's ok," she said with a smile. "Let's get this mess cleaned up."

While they were working, she asked, "What was he looking for?"

"I'm...not sure. Maybe he didn't believe I was going to leave him the book, or he could have been looking for other things I might have kept from Dad's."

"Did you keep anything else?"

He shook his head. "No. I'm not sure why I even kept that." He set another stack of books on the book shelf. "He also might have been looking for Mom's address."

"Where do you keep your mother's papers?"

"In a locked filing cabinet in my bedroom. He didn't get into it, but he tried."

"You don't have her address or anything in your desk?"

"No, I don't think so." He looked around the room. "That's probably what caused this...he never found what he was looking for."

"So he'll be back."

"Count on it. And he...he knows where you live, Eames. I, um...I'd prefer it if you weren't alone, until I have a chance to deal with him."

"And just how are you going to 'deal with him'?"

Squatting on the floor, putting a bunch of DVDs into a stack, he looked at her. "Don't worry about it. You won't be part of it."

"Bobby..."

He raised his hand. "The less you know, the better. Just trust me."

She was quiet for a minute as she busied herself with cleaning up a broken mirror. "Ow!" She shoved her finger into her mouth.

"Are you okay?"

He automatically went to her side and squatted beside her. "I'm fine. I just cut my finger."

"I have band-aids and peroxide in the bathroom."

She looked at him, all concerned about something stupid like a cut finger. Reaching toward him, she let her fingers trail along the dark purple of the bruise along his jaw. She leaned toward him and softly kissed him. He dropped onto his knees and pulled her closer, deepening the kiss and intensifying the contact he desperately needed from her. She was his anchor to reality and he was not going to lose her to his brother in any way. He would do anything necessary to see that she remained unharmed.

--------------------------------------------

Late in the afternoon, someone knocked at the door. Eames turned down the volume on the television and watched him get up from the couch, hand resting on the butt of his gun, which troubled her. She sighed, relieved, when he relaxed and opened the door. "Hello, Mrs. Sabatelli."

The older lady smiled. "Hello, Bobby." She looked past him and waved at Alex. "Hello, dear!"

Alex smiled and waved back from where she was sitting on the couch. "Hello, Mrs. Sabatelli."

Mrs. Sabatelli smiled at Goren and rested her hand on his arm. "I do like her," she exclaimed with a smile.

Goren glanced over his shoulder then looked back at his exuberant neighbor. "So do I. What can I help you with?"

"Did you see your brother?"

Goren tensed visibly. "Did you?"

"Oh, yes. He's very charming. He asked me where your apartment was, said he was from out of town and wanted to surprise you." She leaned in closer. "I let him borrow the key you gave me, seeing it was your brother and all."

_Fuck_. He'd given her the key so she could water his plants if he had to be gone for a few days. "Did he give it back?"

"Oh, yes."

"He...was polite to you, wasn't he?"

"He was quite nice. Were you surprised to see him?"

"Surprised doesn't even begin to cover it. Thank you, Mrs. Sabatelli."

She touched his arm again. "Saturday night, you and your girl come for dinner, ok?"

He glanced at Eames, who nodded. Smiling at his neighbor, he said, "We'd like that, thank you."

He watched to make sure she got back to her apartment, looking up and down the hall. No one was there. He closed the door and began pacing. Now he knew how Bill had gotten in. The only two keys he'd ever given out were to Eames and Mrs. Sabatelli. She'd meant well, and she had no way of knowing...but still..._damn_!

Eames just watched him for a short while before she asked, "So what are we going to do?"

"'We?' Oh, no...you are not getting into this any more. This is between my brother and me. I am not putting you at any further risk."

She watched him continue to pace around the room. "We are partners," she said carefully.

He stopped and looked at her, shaking his head. "No..."

She waved her hand at him. "You are not doing this alone, Goren. I am not going to let you."

"'Let me?' Eames..."

"You don't want to go there. We are partners or we're not. I will not let him destroy you."

"I am not going to let him destroy me."

"He knows you too well. He knows exactly which buttons to push."

"But if you are safe, then I don't have to go gallivanting all over New York going out of my mind worrying about you. It wasn't the memories as much as it was the thought of losing you that nearly pushed me over the edge. I lived through them the first time, Eames. But losing you..." He shook his head and resumed his pacing.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bobby. But Bill is going to cause us a lot of trouble if we don't put an end to this."

"'Us...'"

"Yes, 'us'. You don't have to like it, but he is including me in his attack on you, remember?"

"I...yeah, I remember." He sat heavily in the easy chair nearest the hall, propping his head on his hand and groaning. His head was pounding and he felt very uneasy. He closed his eyes, letting his mind wander back in time...to other childhood cruelties his brother had subjected him to. Encouraged by their father, Bill's cruel streak had prospered at his expense.

He jerked suddenly, unaware he had fallen asleep. The apartment was dark. Panic rose quickly. "Eames..."

"I'm right here," she answered.

"I...why is it dark in here?"

"There's a storm and the power went out."

"When?"

"About an hour ago."

"What time is it?"

"Just after nine."

He'd slept for a couple of hours, and she'd let him. He pressed his hand to his temple but it still throbbed. "Did you eat?"

"I ordered pizza. It's on the counter. I didn't want to wake you."

He got up and walked to the couch, sitting beside her and pulling her into his arms. His heart rate had returned to normal. "I...didn't expect to fall asleep...or to wake up in the dark."

"You were out. Are you sure you feel ok?"

"I'm fine."

"Eat something. You'll feel better."

"I doubt that." He lightly kissed her temple and got up. Used to wandering around the apartment in the dark, he went into the kitchen, got a beer from the refrigerator and a piece of pizza from the box on the counter, and returned to the couch.

"Bad dream?" she asked.

"Wh-what makes you ask that?"

"You didn't sleep well."

"I never do, Eames."

When he finished eating, he made sure the door was locked and set the empty beer bottle on the counter. "Um...you can have the bed..."

He heard her move, but he was still surprised when she came over to him. He didn't object when she unbuttoned his shirt. When she slid her arms into his shirt to caress his skin, he leaned toward her, claiming her mouth with his. She did not object when he headed them toward the bedroom.


	12. More Trouble

He pulled her closer to him, her back against his chest, and tightened his arms protectively around her. She snuggled close, lightly caressing his arms. He sighed softly. She continued running her fingers lightly along his arms. "Are you sleeping?" she whispered.

"No," he answered.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"This has been bothering me. Out on the pier, Bill mentioned something that seemed to rattle you."

"You're going to have to be a lot more specific than that," he answered.

"Who was Rocket?"

She felt his body tense and she turned in his arms to face him. "Was that a difficult question?"

"Yes." He gently stroked her back. "If you really want to know...it's not pretty."

"Is any of it pretty? Bill did some terrible things to you."

"No, I don't guess any of it is pretty. But this one is...as bad as it gets, I suppose."

"I gather from your reaction to Bill that Rocket was a puppy?"

"He was. Um, it was not long after my mother first got sick. Bill wanted me to do something I didn't want to do. He threatened to tell Dad, but for some reason it didn't scare me. I guess I still thought somehow my mother could protect me. So he threatened to hurt Rocket. He was my aunt's dog, about six months old. But Bill knew I liked him. I called his bluff." He trembled at the memory, and he couldn't tell her what had happened, how Bill had tied the little dog to an old wooden fence and then set it on fire. He'd gotten some second degree burns trying to rescue the puppy, and they'd had to have him put to sleep anyway. After that, he'd never called Bill's bluff again. "It was pretty awful, Eames. He hurt the puppy badly and my aunt had to have him put to sleep. For a long time I carried the guilt for that because Bill said it was my fault it had happened. What did I know? I was eight. If he'd do something that horrible to a little dog...I don't want to imagine what he might do to a person, especially someone he knows I care about." He kissed her forehead. "And he knows I care about you."

"Do I..."

A crash from the living room cut her off. He was out of the bed like a shot, pulling on his pants and grabbing his gun. She yanked on one of his t-shirts and grabbed her own gun, but he was already out the door and down the hall. She heard another crash. _Shit_...

Staying pressed to the wall, she hurried down the hallway. "Bobby?"

Another crash. She should have grabbed a damn flashlight. She could barely make out the shadows of two people struggling in the middle of the living room. She didn't dare take a shot with no clear target. One of the shadows smashed into the bookcase, which came crashing down, while the other bolted out the door. She ran into the kitchen and grabbed a flashlight from the drawer she knew he kept it in, running toward the door. Shining the powerful beam up and down the hall, ready to shoot, she saw nothing. She gave the door a cursory look as she closed it. It had been kicked in. She shined the light toward the bookcase and ran to her partner's side as he groaned and rolled over, dumping books off his back. He'd gotten lucky. When the bookcase collapsed, it had mostly missed him. "Bobby..."

"Where'd he go?"

"He ran out the door, but I couldn't catch him."

"Good. I don't want you...confronting him."

"You're sure it was Bill?"

"I'm sure."

"Are you all right?"

"I'm going to be sore as hell tomorrow. Um, would you find my gun? He knocked it out of my hand."

She found it and handed it to him as he stood up and stretched his back with a wince. He crossed the apartment to the window and looked out into the street below. Nothing moved in the rain. With each flash of lightning, he perused the empty street. "Go on back to bed, Eames."

"You think that's possible?"

He looked at her, seeing only her outline in the darkness. "Come here," he muttered.

He pulled her into his arms and held her as he leaned back against the wall beside the window. Resting his chin lightly on her head, he sighed. "Scare tactics," he said softly. "He had to have known I was home and he wanted me to know he was here. He wasn't even trying to be stealthy. He wants me off balance."

"He can't know how poorly you sleep."

He shrugged. "I've been woken to punches before."

Her arms tightened around him and he lightly kissed her head. "I hate to say this. I...I need you to stay someplace where he doesn't know where you are."

"What about you?"

"What about me? I told you, I don't want you involved..."

"I already _am_ involved. Maybe more than you want me to be, but I am. As much as you want to protect me, I need to protect you, to back you up. You can't do this alone, Bobby."

He didn't answer. In silence, he simply held her, letting her words rattle around in his head. "Promise me something?"

"What?"

His fingers combed through her hair. "Stay out of the line of fire. Let me take care of myself and Bill. Back me up, but keep yourself out of danger. Please."

She thought carefully about his words. "I'll do my best."

He kissed her head and reluctantly released her. "Let's get dressed and go get some breakfast, if you're sure you won't be able to sleep."

"I'm sure."

It was a very early beginning to their day.

-----------------------------------------------------

His phone rang shortly after noon. "Goren."

"It's Logan. Your brother's looking for you."

"Is he there?"

"He was, first thing this morning. He said you were supposed to leave that book for him yesterday, but you didn't."

"That's not exactly true. I did leave it. I just took it back so he has to deal with me to get it. If he can't ask right I don't see why I should bother going out of my way to make it easy for him."

"Good for you, man."

"He got into my apartment yesterday by getting the key from my neighbor and trashed the place. Then he broke in during the night."

"No way...and he had the nerve to file charges against you and Eames."

"Yeah."

"What are you gonna do?"

"I'm not sure yet. But...I'm not comfortable with Alex being anyplace he can reach her. I won't let her go home, and it seems my place isn't any safer."

"Let me talk to Barek. I'm sure she'd be ok with Alex staying with her. What about you?"

"I'm not going to run away from my brother."

"Hold on a sec. Barek just got back." Goren heard his muffled voice over the phone. "Yeah, it's ok, if Alex wants to stay with her."

"What do you mean, if she wants to?"

Logan laughed. "She's not gonna throw you to the wolves, Goren. I can't see her going someplace safe and leaving you in danger."

"I don't plan on giving her a choice."

"Good luck with that. You've got more balls than I do. Anyway, my door's open if you want a place to sleep."

"Thanks, Mike. Talk to you later."

Eames came in from the kitchen. Power had been restored and she handed him a cup of fresh coffee. "Is anything wrong?"

"Bill stopped by the squadroom looking for me."

"Did he make a scene?"

"No, not that Logan said. He was looking for the book."

"So he'll be coming back here."

"You can bet on it."

"And you don't have a plan, do you?"

"No."

"Are you going to let him have what he wants?"

"I don't think so. If he wants to play hardball, I'm game for it."

"Does he still think you're ten years old?"

"Apparently."

She sat beside him. "So if he shows up, we'll be ready."

"I would still prefer it not be 'us'."

"Sorry, Goren. You've been outvoted."

In spite of himself, he laughed softly, gently pulling her into a hug. "Will you at least spend the night at Barek's?"

"I'd rather spend the night with you."

He closed his eyes. He had no idea how to tell her how much he would prefer that, too. But as much as he needed her, as desperately as he wanted her, his desire to protect her overpowered both. He shook his head. "I need you to be safe," he managed, forcing himself to tell her no when every part of him wanted to tell her yes.

She let her fingers trail over his chest and he caught his breath. "I don't want to stay at Carolyn's," she said quietly.

"Eames...don't...please..."

She smiled, leaning up to kiss him. "Don't what?"

Her lips teased his and he groaned softly, leaning into her kiss, letting her tongue find its way to his. A pounding at the door brought them back into their surroundings. He got up from the couch, taking a few deep breaths to settle himself. He glanced at her for a moment before he pulled the door open and found himself looking down the barrel of a gun.


	13. Final Showdown

Goren stared down the barrel of his brother's Ruger and swallowed. "What the fuck...?"

"Back up, little brother. Tell your girlfriend to back off."

"She's not here, Bill."

"Bullshit. She's always with you."

Goren shook his head, slowly backing into the living room. "No, she's not."

"Go sit down over there. And keep your hands away from your belt."

Goren walked over to the couch and sat down. Bill looked around the room. Sure enough, no one was there. "Where are you, sweetheart?" he called out.

"I told you, she's not here, Bill."

He was grateful Alex had taken the hint and gone into hiding. He wasn't sure where she was, but for the moment she was safe. That was all he cared about, that she was safe. Bill looked uncertain. "Where is she?"

"Why does that matter to you? She's not part of this, Bill. This is between you and me."

Bill shook his head, waving the gun in the air. "My badass little brother. You learned how to fight, and that's fine and dandy. I'm not getting in striking range of you again. But I know you're not bullet-proof."

As soon as she saw Goren's reaction at the door, Eames had taken off to the bedroom. She waited by the door, gun in hand, listening to the voices from the living room. She wasn't sure what Bill wanted, other than his father's book, which was sitting in here on the filing cabinet. She tried to calm her pounding heart. If she called in an 'officer needs assistance' call, the area would be swarming with cops in no time, and Bobby would be dead. She was ready to back up her partner, but if she headed down the hall now, Bill would see her and again, Bobby would be dead, and her as well perhaps. She pulled out her phone and dialed.

Goren didn't react to his brother's statement. "What do you want, Bill?"

"You double-crossed me, you little bastard."

Goren shook his head. "No. I left the damn book for you. And then you filed charges on Eames and me. What the hell was up with that?"

Bill shrugged non-chalantly. "Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and your girlfriend."

"She's my partner, Bill."

"Whatever." His eyes narrowed. "I want Dad's book and Mom's location. Now."

"Go to hell."

Bill laughed that wicked laugh of his and shook his head. "You're not the little bastard I messed with forty years ago."

Goren shook his head. "No. I outgrew you, Bill. You should have asked me for what you wanted that day at the bar. You stepped way over the line when you kidnapped my partner."

"I asked you where Mom was."

"And I won't tell you. Period. I'm not going there. But I would have given you the book. And if you're anything like Dad, that's what would have mattered most to you."

"Yeah, well, you know what I want now?"

"What?"

"_Her_."

"In your dreams."

"No, little brother. In your nightmares. Call her."

"Fuck you."

In response, Bill engaged the slide on his gun. Eames heard it, and her heart leapt into her throat. Would Bill really shoot his brother, or was he trying to be intimidating? How could he know it was impossible to intimidate Bobby? She was torn. If she headed into the living room, Bobby was likely to do something stupid, to keep her safe. She fidgeted impatiently, listening for a knock at the door. It was coming...she hoped it wouldn't be too late.

Bill pointed the gun at his brother, but Bobby didn't flinch. "Call her, you little prick."

Goren shook his head. "You're not going to intimidate me by trying to draw me back into the past. She's beyond your reach, Bill, and she's going to stay there."

Bill paced back and forth in front of the door, gun trained on his brother, who didn't look nervous in the least, and that irritated him. "She's a sweet piece of ass. What's it like to screw her, Bobby?"

There it was. A reaction. Bill knew he'd hit a nerve. "Partner, my ass. I know you better than that. I could see it in your eyes and I heard it in your voice. I _saw_ it, Bobby, in the panic in your face when you thought I was going to hurt her out on the pier. And I see it now. Give me your phone."

Goren folded his arms across his chest, face calm once again, eyes cooly regarding Bill, who was getting increasingly agitated. Keeping the gun pointed at his brother's head, he headed for the dining area, grabbing the phone from its base. "She's important to you. More important than anyone else. Speed dial one? Oh, wait..that's voicemail. Speed dial two."

He hit the button. Goren flinched. God, he hoped Eames was listening or this was going to turn really ugly, really fast.

In the bedroom, Eames swore softly. She hurried to the bed and shoved her phone between the mattress and the box spring, sitting on top of it. She could hear the muted ring, but it didn't carry out of the room. _Shit, that was close..._

Bill threw the phone at the wall, crossing back to stand in front of his brother. "Why won't she answer your call?"

Goren shrugged. "How should I know. I'm not with her. She has her own life, you know."

Bill's increasing agitation was dangerous, but Goren wasn't about to give anything away. So far, his partner continued to be safe. He studied Bill carefully. He wasn't sure just how he was going to disarm him, but he was thinking. He could see the fury in his brother's eyes, but he felt strangely calm. Thirty-five years ago, that look would have sent him scampering for a place to hide. A lot had changed in thirty-five years.

Bill jumped when someone pounded on the apartment door. Goren saw the look in his brother's eyes, almost heard the snap as he lost it. He quickly rolled to the left as the gun in his brother's hand went off. Fire exploded in his side and he heard the front door splinter. Another gunshot rang out, then another...The room began to spin toward darkness, and he heard voices. Eames...and Logan? The last thing he remembered was Eames, her hands on his face and a gentle kiss pressed against his temple.


	14. Bad News

Eames was pacing the surgical waiting room as Logan and Barek watched. Neither of them knew what to say, so they opted for silence. When the captain arrived, Logan saw him first, saw the dark and angry look on his face and said, "Oh, shit."

Barek and Eames looked toward the door. Deakins approached the three detectives. "What the _hell_ is going on?"

They looked at one another, not quite sure what to say or who should say it. The captain waited, not patiently. Finally Eames said, "It's not their faults. It's mine."

"_You_ shot your partner?"

"No, of course not. His brother shot him."

"The same brother who filed the police brutality report against the two of you? The one who kidnapped you?"

"Bobby only has one brother."

"And again you two called Logan."

"Hey," Logan objected. "It's not like they grabbed a rookie from the Academy or some yahoo off the street."

"No," Barek answered. "They grabbed a yahoo from the squad."

Deakins was still angry. "So what happened tonight? How did one of my detectives get shot and only Logan and Barek showed up at the scene?"

"I didn't call it in as an 'officer needs assistance' or an 'officer down' call.I called Mike as soon as Bill showed up."

Deakins threw his hands up in the air. "What the hell..."

"Captain, this wasn't a case. This was personal. We did not want to bring the whole department in on it."

"And now your partner may die. Happy?"

Eames looked like he had physically struck her, and he immediately felt bad. "Alex...I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

She shook her head. "But you're right. I...should never have listened to him. I should have let you know what was going on."

She turned and walked off. Logan looked from Deakins to Barek and walked over to Eames, sliding an arm over her shoulders and dipping his head toward hers. "Hey, don't do this to yourself. Wait until he gets back on his feet and give him what for, but don't take this on your shoulders. I'm just as guilty of doing it his way as you are. Ok?"

She looked at him. "Why did you do it his way, Mike?"

"Because he made sense to me."

She nodded. "He made sense to me, too. And I'm going to kick his ass for manipulating us like that."

Logan laughed softly. "I'm sure he'll look forward to that."

"Alex..."

She turned to look at Deakins. "He broke into the apartment during the night," she said. "And he came back to get what he wanted."

"What did he want? Was it worth all this just to keep something from him?"

"Bobby thought so."

"So what did he want?"

"Me, for one. And that just makes me sick to my stomach. And he wanted to know where their mother is. Bobby was protecting both of us."

Deakins sighed heavily. "I wish I had known he was a real threat. How badly hurtwas Goren?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. He was shot in the side, and there was a lot of blood. He didn't stay conscious long. They got both of them right to surgery as soon as they stabilized them in the ER. Then they treated Mike and we came up here to wait."

Deakins looked at Logan. "What happened to you?"

"Flesh wound in the arm. It's nothing. They put a bandaid on it and I'm good to go."

"So this mutt shot two of my detectives. What happened to him?"

Logan shrugged. "We heard the first shot and kicked in the door. He started shooting at us and we shot back. He took one in the chest and one in the gut."

"Which one of you hit him?"

Barek answered, "We both did."

Deakins rubbed his forehead. "I can't wait to see the reports on these. Where are your guns?"

"Eames has them."

She just nodded. "They're down in the glove box of the car."

Eames sat down, burying her face in her hands. Deakins sat beside her. "Why didn't you call me?" he asked quietly.

She took a deep, unsteady breath. "You know how he is. This was about his family, his past. He would never have even brought me into it if his brother hadn't."

"Why did he call Logan?"

"He trusts Mike. And Mike came right over, no questions asked. He drove him all over after Bill and never complained. He helped him keep himself in check when he had no idea what was going on when Bill had me. When I called him, he was on his way before he had even hung up the phone. That's loyalty, and you know what that means to Bobby. This wasn't a case and had nothing to do with the job. There was no reason to involve you or anyone else. Mike was brought in as a friend, not a fellow officer."

"And you?"

How to explain that... "I'm his partner. I am important to him. Bobby's feelings for me are complicated and his brother...misinterpreted things. He thought he could use me effectively against Bobby. He was right, but for the wrong reasons."

Deakins nodded. He could accept that. He nodded at her clothes. "You weren't hurt, were you?"

She looked down, noticing for the first time the blood that covered her clothes. She shook her head. "It's not my blood. I tried to control his bleeding. Bill never knew I was there. He showed up at the door and I hid in the bedroom and called Logan."

"He wasn't able to talk his brother down?"

"I'm not sure he even tried. It's...complicated."

He squeezed her shoulder. "Look, I have to get back. IAB is having a fit and I'd better deal with them so things don't come down on the four of you. I'll be back later."

She nodded and watched him stop to talk briefly with Logan and Barek and then leave.

They came over to her, each sitting on either side of her. Barek asked, "Is there anything we can do? You want something to eat or some coffee?"

She shook her head. "No, thanks. I appreciate you waiting here with me." She reached out and touched Logan's arm, where the sleeve of his dark jacket was bloody. "I'm sorry, Mike."

"Don't be. He got a helluva a lot worse than he gave."

And so they waited.

-------------------------------------------------------

Logan leafed through a magazine he had no interest in and dropped it on the table in front of him. Barek watched him. "What's the matter, Mike? Not interested in how to make your man happy in bed?"

Logan frowned. "What?"

She nodded at the magazine. "You don't strike me as a _Cosmo_ type, but..."

He looked at the magazine for a second before it registered..."Very funny, Barek. Find me a _Guns and Ammo_ or a _Playboy_ and maybe..."

"Maybe you'll read the articles? Gotcha."

He watched her walk across the room toward the fish tank on the far side. "Ha ha. What makes you think I read the articles?"

She looked over her shoulder at him and smiled. He was impossible. Eames had finally succumbed to her exhaustion and was sleeping uneasily in a corner of the room. Logan kept an eye on her as he wandered around the room, looking for some way to keep busy. He hated waiting and he hated hospitals, and waiting in a hospital made him edgy and uptight.

"Excuse me?"

He turned to face the surgeon who'd come into the room. "Which patient are you here with?"

"Goren."

He nodded. "Which one?'

"Robert."

"Ok, things got a little confused in the ER. They're brothers, right?"

"Yeah."

"Which one is Robert?"

"The younger one, the cop. Shot in the side. His brother took it in the chest and abdomen."

Eames and Barek joined them as he wrote down what Logan had told him. "Ok. They're both still in surgery."

Eames was almost afraid to ask. "How is Bobby?"

"They're both...critical. The first brother that arrived..."

"That was Bobby."

"He's doing a little better than his brother. Bullet nicked the renal vein and he's lost a lot of blood, but he's stable. I'll let you know more when I know more."

They watched him leave. "I don't feel any better," Eames muttered.

Logan slid his arm around her shoulders. She turned toward him and let him hold her. Barek laid a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. She leaned closer. "He'll be all right, Alex."

"Sure he will," Logan agreed. "He's not gonna leave you, Alex. Isn't that what all this has been about? He isn't gonna let his brother win."

She stepped from his arms with a small smile and walked across the room to a window, where she wrapped her arms around herself and looked out into the twilight. Logan sighed and said softly, "I don't know what to do."

Barek smiled at him. "You've done everything you can. We both have. It's all up to him now. The best thing for her will be to hear he's going to be okay."

-----------------------------------------------

The sun had long set when another surgeon came to the waiting room. There were several people scattered about the room, all of them looking at him expectantly. He said, "Who's here with the two brothers?"

"We are," Logan replied as the three of them approached him. He sat down, waiting until Eames and Barek had seated themselves across from him. Logan stood by Eames. The surgeon's face was solemn. "We lost one of them about a half hour ago. I'm sorry."

Eames looked at him in horror, afraid to ask which one. So Logan asked, "Which brother was it?"

"The older one. His chest trauma was too extensive."

Eames dropped back against the chair in relief. "How is Bobby doing?"

"He's been transferred to the ICU. The bullet lodged in his spine. We were able to remove it but until he wakes up we cannot assess the extent of the damage."

Logan frowned. "What does that mean?"

"It means we don't know how bad it is. There's a chance he may not walk again. We have to wait and see."

Eames looked at Logan, then at Barek. She had no idea how to react to that. "Can we see him?"

The surgeon nodded. "He's not awake, and we haven't extubated him yet, so prepare yourselves for that. Come with me."

Logan squeezed her arm and leaned toward her. "He's tough, Alex. Don't worry until you know there's something to worry about."

She looked at him as they headed for the door after the doctor. "Mike, if he can't walk..."

"Don't jump the gun," Barek warned. "Wait and see how he does."

'He may not walk again...' The words echoed in her mind, bouncing around and gripping her in a vice of fear unlike any she had ever experienced. She had no idea how she was supposed to feel about this, and she was terrified for him...and for herself.


	15. Waking Up

Eames watched his chest rise and fall in response to the machine that was helping him breathe. The nurses assured her it was just a precaution and that they were going to take him off the machine in the morning. It was easier to manage his pain if they didn't have to worry he was going to stop breathing. It troubled her that that was even a concern at all.

She sat by his bedside, dozing in the chair, through the night. The nurses left her alone, except to cover her with a blanket because it was cool in the unit. She kept her hand tucked into his and waited for him to waken.

Early in the morning, as promised, they took him off the machine. She sat there for a long while, watching the easy rise and fall of his chest and taking comfort from the fact that he was doing it all on his own. She still held his hand, and she lightly stroked his cheek and brushed his dark curls back from his forehead because she knew that gave him comfort. She also needed the comfort that physical contact with him provided. She was scared and uncertain, and she hated feeling that way.

She left only to get something to eat, but the coffee and egg salad sandwich sat in her stomach like a rock and she felt even worse. Now she was nauseous on top of everything else. Comfort...she needed comfort. She needed someone to tell her this was going to be all right, that he was going to be all right. She needed _him_ to reassure her. She wanted--needed--to feel his warm hands against her skin, his breath whispering across her ear, his arms holding her tight to protect her from the world. She needed most of all for him to help her chase away the hatred in her heart. She had never hated like this before and it was consuming her. And the only way it was going to go away was for him to walk out of this hospital whole. Then, and only then, would she be able to bury it in his brother's grave and separate herself from it for good. She would never forgive Bill for what he had done to him, but she would no longer hate him with such vehemence if the physical reminders of his animosity were gone. His body had to recover so his mind, and hers, could heal as well.

--------------------------------------------

She'd fallen asleep with her head resting against the side of his mattress, her fingers entwined with his. She woke when his hand tightened around hers and the fingers of his other hand trailed down the side of her face. Taking a deep breath, she lifted her head and looked at him. "Hey," she smiled. "How do you feel?"

His eyes, though shaded with pain, were clear. His color was good and the corners of his mouth lifted slightly when she looked at him. "I hurt," he said quietly. "My gut...feels like it's on fire."

"Let me get a nurse."

She started to step away but he grabbed her arm. "What happened?"

There was an urgency in his voice she hadn't heard before. "Relax, Bobby."

"Did-did he hurt you?"

"No. I'm not the one he hurt."

He released her hand and she moved to the doorway, signaling to a nurse. "He's awake," she said quietly to the nurse who came to find out what she needed. "And he says he hurts."

"I can give him something for that. I'll be right in. I need to take his vitals anyway and I'll let the doctor know that he's awake."

"Thank you." She returned to his side. He had closed his eyes, but his breathing was a lot more rapid than she thought it should be, probably because of the pain. She slid her hand into his and he opened his eyes to look at her. "The nurse will be right in."

He nodded. "Why am I here, Eames? What happened?"

"Bill shot you. He hurt you badly, Bobby." She rested her hand over the sheet on his thigh and gently caressed it. "Can you feel my hand?"

Frowning, he leaned his head to the left, studying her hand as it traveled down to his knee, then back up to the top of his thigh and along his hip to his waist. "No. I...I can't. What's wrong?"

"The bullet lodged in your spine. There's a lot of swelling that is interfering with the proper function of your spinal column. Right now, they don't know how bad it is. We have to wait until the swelling goes down to see if there's any permanent damage."

The nurse chose that moment to walk in. She stepped to his bedside opposite Eames. "I'm glad to see you awake, detective. This will help the pain."

She cleaned the medicine port of his IV and injected the contents of a syringe into the tubing. "Give that a couple of minutes." She took his vitals, smiled a reassuring smile and left the room.

Eames watched him, knowing what he was thinking. He looked toward her, holding her gaze. "What are you feeling?" she finally asked.

She watched his eyes lose their focus as the medicine began to work. "I'm angry," he said quietly. "That's all I can feel right now. I...need to get out of here, so I can kick Bill's ass all the way back to New Jersey."

"That..." She stopped herself. For some reason she hesitated telling him about his brother. Let him focus his anger toward Bill for now. She would tell him later, after he'd calmed down, and hope he wouldn't be too angry at her for not telling him right away. "That sounds like a plan, Bobby."

She let her fingers run along his jawline. He watched her from under half-closed eyes. "Don't...leave...please..."

Shaking her head, she said quietly, "I won't. Ever. I promise."

He nodded, reassured. "I need you," he whispered as he succumbed to the sedating effects of the medicine and went back to sleep.

"I know," she agreed. He did need her, more than either of them would ever know. She sat back down in the chair beside his bed and took hold of his hand again, threading her fingers in with his and resting her head against his arm. They both needed the contact...and she had no idea what else to do.


	16. Nightmares

He tossed in his sleep, calling her attention from the book she was reading. She set it to the side and stood up. Resting one hand on his arm, she laid her other hand on his cheek. His restlessness settled and he opened his eyes. "You're still here," he said quietly.

"Why are you surprised?"

"I...you've got to have better things to do."

"Actually, I don't. And don't you start feeling sorry for yourself, Goren."

He started to turn his head away, but she increased the pressure on his cheek and drew him back. He was trying to retreat but she wasn't going to let him, not this time. If she let him go, he might not come back. "Why are you doing this?" he snapped.

"Doing what? Making you face me? Because I refuse to let you go. I'm not giving up on you, and I won't let you give up either. So don't even try it, mister."

He shifted uncomfortably. "What am I supposed to do, Eames? Being a cop is all I know."

"Who says you aren't going to still be a cop? Don't jump to conclusions and try to prematurely cross a bridge we haven't come to yet."

"Spinal injuries don't get better."

"We don't know if your spine has even been injured, Bobby."

"I can't move my legs. That says injury."

"Some swelling doesn't constitute an irreversible injury. Wait and see what happens."

"And then you'll let me go?"

"Never. I will never let you go," she said softly.

He studied her face and saw only sincerity and determination...and love. Her motivation. She loved him. He had no clue what he'd ever done to deserve it, but she loved him. He took her hand and held it, and he felt just a little better. She leaned closer, disturbed by the depression she saw in his eyes. Her face inches from his, she said, "I love you, no matter what. No circumstance is ever going to chase me away. You keep a grip on yourself and don't try to chase me away, because if I go, it's going to break my heart and I won't come back. I'm going to stay, and I want you to remember that. Understand me?"

His eyes wandered around her face, coming to rest on her eyes. He closed the distance between them, pressing his lips lightly against hers. She leaned into his kiss without hesitation, deepening it and parting her lips to accomodate the exploration of his tongue. His hand trailed up her side, brushing along her breast and she pressed closer into him. His fingers continued to travel and she caught her breath, resting her hand on his chest. He finally pulled back, his eyes dark with a desire he no longer needed to hide. "Never lose that passion," she whispered, running her tongue lightly over his lips. "And you'll never lose me."

She pulled back at the sound of someone clearing his throat. Turning, she saw Logan in the doorway, a smile on his face. "Feeling better, I see."

Eames blushed and Goren squeezed her hand. He wasn't afraid of Logan. He knew, and he wouldn't betray their trust. That wasn't his style. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I was bored so I came by to see if you were up for a couple of hands of rummy."

"Last time we played..."

"Yeah, I remember. You kicked my ass. I'm up for a rematch if you are." He looked at Eames. "What do you say, Alex? Want to play?"

He pulled a deck of cards from his pocket. "Sure," she agreed.

Logan leaned back, looking down the hallway. He grinned. "Here comes Barek. We'll make it a foursome."

Eames looked at her partner and smiled. She saw a flicker of passion still remaining in his eyes and she caressed the back of his hand. As long as she could keep that there, she was sure he'd be okay, no matter what the result of his injury was. Barek came into the cubicle. "Hi, guys. How are you feeling, Bobby?"

Logan leaned toward her. "As long as she's around, he's fine."

Barek smacked him across the chest. "Behave yourself, Logan."

"Where's the fun in that? I gotta have someone else to pick on. Variety is the spice of life."

"And you're the heartburn that results."

He gave her a look and tossed the cards to Goren. "You deal first."

------------------------------------------

Drenched in sweat, trapped in the throes of a nightmare he couldn't shake, he called out. Eames bolted out of her chair. "Bobby..." she called softly, her mouth close to his ear. "Wake up."

He pushed himself onto his elbows and opened his eyes, but he wasn't seeing her. She lightly tapped his cheek. "Come on, baby. Snap out of it."

He blinked a few times and slowly, his eyes cleared. "Eames..."

He dropped back onto the pillow, trying to calm himself down. A nurse appeared in the doorway. "What's wrong?"

Eames looked at her. "He had a nightmare."

She advanced to his side, looking at the monitor over his bed, then back at him. "You need to calm down."

He swallowed hard, nodding. But he wasn't calming down. The nurse left, returning with a syringe. She injected the medicine into his IV and looked from him to Eames. "A mild sedative," she explained. "It will help him calm himself down. It's not unexpected that he can't manage it on his own yet."

She stayed until his heart rate began to come down and his breathing eased. Then she gently patted his arm, gave Eames a reassuring smile and left the cubicle. Eames looked at him. "Bobby..."

Goren grabbed her arm. "You have to be careful...I...God..." He closed his eyes.

"What is it? What happened in your dream?"

"Dream...it was just a dream...thank God."

"Bobby..."

He pulled her into his arms and hugged her. "Please," he murmured into her ear. "Don't go anyplace alone. Make sure Mike is with you, or Carolyn...promise me."

"What happened?"

"Promise..."

"Ok, I promise. Now tell me what happened? What did you dream about?"

"He...came back for you. And this time, I couldn't help you...couldn't...save you..."

In spite of the sedative, he was getting worked up again. "Shhhh." She gently stroked his cheek. Bill was still tomenting him and that wasn't fair. "Bobby, listen to me. Please...please forgive me. I wasn't sure how much you could take..."

He blinked, trying to clear his mind. "How much...what?"

She looked away...she should have told him...His fingers lightly touched her chin, guiding her face back toward him. His thumb lightly caressed her jaw. "Alex?"

"Bobby, Bill died in the operating room."

"Died? He...how did that happen? I..."

"No, it wasn't you, and it wasn't me. Mike and Carolyn got there right as he shot you, and he turned to fire at them."

"Did he...hit either of them?"

She nodded. "Mike. But he's ok. Just a graze. He took a couple of stitches, but he calls it a band-aid injury."

"My brother..."

She couldn't interpret his look or his tone. "I'm really sorry, Bobby."

"Be-because he's dead?"

"No," she answered, her face and her voice hard. He raised his eyebrows. He'd never seen that look before. "I...I hate him for what he did to you," she continued vehemently. "And I'm struggling with that, too. I have never felt this way before. So no, I am not sorry at all that he's dead. But I am sorry I didn't tell you right away. I should have."

He studied her through half-closed eyes. What had his brother done to her? Reaching out, he caressed the side of her face. "Alex, I am so sorry. Look...look what he's done to you. I hate that he ever touched your life."

She leaned into his hand, once more seeking comfort from contact with him. Turning her face, she firmly pressed her lips into his palm, then against his wrist...and he pulled her toward him and kissed her. "Don't hate..." he whispered against her lips, pulling back slightly. "Hate consumes everything it touches. Hate changes people, and I want you just the way you've always been. Don't hate him..." His voice dropped even lower. "Love me."

A tear rolled down her cheek. "I do love you, Bobby. But look what he did to you..."

"How much worse would it be if he'd done what he'd intended and killed me? Please...let it go."

"I...tried." Tears were now streaming down both cheeks and she cursed herself for not being stronger for him. "I can't help it."

He pulled her into his arms, holding her as she cried against his chest and gently stroking her back, kissing her hair, whispering soothing words to her. It didn't matter what he said; the soft murmur of his voice was all she needed to hear. She held him tight and refused to let him go...and he let her hang on until he finally succumbed to the sedative and faded back to sleep.


	17. Beginning on the Road to Recovery

**A/N: Yes, I know it's short, but it's kind of just a transition...**

* * *

Time passed slowly with no real change. They transferred him from the intensive care unit to the post-surgical floor, and as she'd promised him the first day, she stayed. She'd go home to shower and change while he slept, but she always came back. He was feeling very insecure and he had no idea where he stood with anyone or anything in his life, except her. He would get depressed if he dwelled too long on what was happening to him, and he counted on her to draw him out of it, which she was always able to do. After a time, she could even get him to laugh again, something no one else was able to do...not even Mike Logan. 

After she told him about Bill, he stopped talking about him entirely. Nothing she did could draw him into any sort of discussion about him, so she gave up trying, for now. The doctors were beginning to lose optimism about his recovery and that was a more urgent crisis for them to deal with. In six months, Bill would still be dead and she could force him to talk about it then. Right now, she had to help him cope with the possibility of losing his job, his mobility and the life he was so used to living.

--------------------------------------------------

She'd gone to get lunch and he was playing solitaire. "Anybody home?"

He didn't look up. "Where the hell would I be, Mike?"

"I'm still waiting for you to get up and start chasing the nurses down the hall."

"That's you, ass. I don't chase anyone but Eames...and you with a pool cue."

Logan laughed. "Yeah, I remember that. I got lucky Eames and Barek showed up when they did."

"No shit."

"Seriously, man, how are you feeling?"

He shrugged. "My gut's not hurting so bad, so I guess that's good."

"Nothing happening below the belt?"

"Not yet."

"What are they saying about it?"

"Not much. There's still enough swelling that they aren't losing hope, but it's getting slim. There's still a chance, they say, but I think they're blowing smoke."

"Don't give up yet."

"Like Alex would let me."

Logan laughed. "You got a point there. Just like Barek won't let me say there's anything wrong with you. That can't be good for you, cause there is something wrong. I just hope it's gonna get better. You just _can't_ leave me alone in that squad room with Eames and Barek all by myself. I don't stand a friggin' chance."

Goren almost smiled. "I'll do my best, Mike."

"No pressure. I'll give you another week before I start begging."

"Thanks."

"I gotta get outta here before my watchdog realizes where I've gone. She'll kick my ass for not bringing her, but I really wanted to talk to you alone for three minutes." He gave his friend a light punch in the shoulder. "I'll probably be back with Barek later. Hang in there." He leaned in a little closer. "After you get out of here, we'll go out and get smashed...ok?"

"You got a deal."

Logan grinned and headed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later, Eames returned. She looked at the cards on the tray. "So, who's winning?"

"The other guy." He pushed the tray table out of the way. "Come here, please."

She hopped up onto the bed beside him. "What's the matter?"

He drew her into his arms and she stretched out beside him, draping her arm over his abdomen and nestling her head into his shoulder. He rested his head against hers and lightly caressed her arm. "I just want you close."

She understood that. She slipped her hand between the buttons of his pajama top and lightly caressed his stomach, still avoiding the side where he'd been shot. He groaned and kissed her forehead, pressing his head down toward her face. Turning up to meet him, she lost herself in his kiss, which he continued to deepen as he slid his hand under her shirt. Unconsciously, she toyed with the waistband of his pants, letting her hand wander for the first time since he'd been shot. He caught his breath suddenly and sat up, pulling from her arms. A look of horror spread across her face. "Oh, my God, Bobby...I...I wasn't thinking..."

He looked at her, an odd look on his face. "No, Alex...it's not that...no, I _felt_ that!"


	18. A Bump in the Road

Dr. Abe Calloway hesitated in the doorway, watching his patient playing cards with his friend. She had been an incredible support for him through this and he'd watched her stubbornly refuse to allow him to settle into a depression. She showed as little hesitancy in scolding him as she did in hugging him. The bond, and the love, between these two was clear. The return of feeling to his lower extremities was encouraging, but the inflammation remained, and that was still causing him problems. The physical therapy was helping, but he'd ordered a CT of his lumbar spine to see what the issue was. Now he knew. He stepped into the room.

Goren laid down his hand. "Gin."

Eames threw her cards on the table with a laugh and looked through his hand. "There it is! The king of spades. You had my card, Goren."

He laughed. Calloway coughed gently, drawing their attention to him. "Good morning."

"Hi, Doc."

"How are you feeling today, Bobby?"

"I feel good."

"No trouble moving your legs?"

"No. There's still some pain in my lower back when I get up. I'm still not up to running a marathon, but I can walk to the bathroom and the nurses' station."

"Good. I need to talk to you. I got the results of the CT we did yesterday. I don't know how much in detail they told you about the surgery, but when the bullet hit your vertebrae, it fragmented. They thought they had removed everything, but they didn't. They missed a small fragment, about 1mm in diameter. It has worked its way between two of the vertebrae in your lower back and it's sitting on the precipice, so to speak. That's why the inflammation hasn't gone down faster."

He frowned darkly and looked at Eames. She met his eyes, her hand coming to rest on his leg, and he felt it. He looked back at the doctor. "So what does it mean?"

"It means we have to go in and get it out."

He closed his eyes, concentrating on the small hand that tightened on his thigh, then softly caressed it. He sighed. "What does it entail?"

"If the surgeon can get to it and get it out, not much. You recover from the surgery, the inflammation goes away and you walk out of here and go back to work. It may take up to a year for you to fully recover your mobility, and some of it may never return, but you'll be well able to function within the parameters of your job. That's what your progress and all the test results are telling me."

"But..."

He nodded. "But...if something goes wrong and that fragment enters the spinal column, it could mean major trouble. If it ever migrated to your brain..." He shook his head. "It could shred blood vessels...it could kill you."

Her hand tightened. His hand found hers and settled on it, gently squeezing. "When do you plan to operate?"

"Tonight. You had breakfast, right?"

"Yes."

"You have to be NPO for at least eight hours. The surgery's scheduled for seven."

He nodded. "Do it."

Calloway held out a clipboard. "Sign right here for consent and the anesthesiologist will be in to talk to you this afternoon." He hesitated. "He's a good surgeon, Bobby. One of the best."

"What's your prognosis?"

He met Goren's eyes and nodded. "It's a good one."

Eames turned to look at him. "How long will the surgery take?"

"It's delicate work. It'll take a few hours."

She turned back to her partner as he told the doctor, "Thanks."

His eyes shifted to her once the doctor was gone. "Well...shit." He reached for the phone and dialed, slipping his hand into hers and squeezing as he waited for the party on the other end to answer.

"Logan."

"Hey, Mike."

"How are you feeling?"

"Ok. Look, are you and your partner busy tonight?"

"Why?"

"Because I asked."

"Nothing that can't be changed, why?"

"Um, there's been a complication. I've got surgery scheduled at seven and I don't want Eames waiting alone."

"What kind of complication?"

"A bullet fragment."

"That doesn't sound good. Sure, we'll come in and wait with her. Uh, what does this mean for you?"

"Hopefully nothing."

"Ok. We'll come right over after work."

"Thanks, Mike."

Eames watched him replace the phone. He was facing more surgery, and his first thoughts were to take care of her. She pushed the tray out of the way and moved toward him. He smiled. "What are you doing?"

She kissed him lightly. "Thanking you."

He settled his hands on her waist. "For what?"

"For thinking of me."

He tightened his grip to settle her against him. "That's all I do these days, Eames. Think of you."

He leaned toward her head and kissed her again.

---------------------------------------------

Logan and Barek waited on the far side of the room. Goren was ready to head to surgery; he squeezed his partner's hand and smiled. "It's a road bump," he muttered, eyes almost closed. "Don't worry."

She lightly kissed him. "I'll worry."

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Bobby. Don't give the doctors any problems."

He touched her cheek and she laid her hand on his. Then she stepped back, turning to Logan and Barek. A few minutes later, Calloway came into the room. "Are you going to wait here or in the surgical waiting room?"

"We'll wait down there. It's closer."

He nodded. "I've decided to scrub in and observe. I'll be there the whole time, and I'll make sure they give you updates." He squeezed Eames' arm. "Try not to worry. I promise you, he's in excellent hands."

She nodded. "Thank you, Dr. Calloway."

Logan came up beside her. "First we hit the cafeteria. I need dinner and the coffee in that waiting room tastes like crap."

"You guys go ahead. I'm going to just go to the waiting room."

"Don't make yourself sick, Alex. That won't do him any good and it'll give him something more to worry about."

"I'm ok, Mike. If I eat anything now, it won't stay down."

"Tell you what. We'll bring you a milkshake."

"And a latte."

He kissed the side of her head. "You got it."


	19. A WellNeeded Break

The more time that passed, the more anxious Eames became. Dr. Calloway had sent someone out to talk to her every hour...until ten o'clock. Now two hours had passed with no word. Logan tried talking to her, but she'd just snapped at him, so he stopped trying. Now he just sat near the fish tank with Barek, watching Eames alternate between pacing and staring out the window into the night. And time wore on...

Finally, Calloway, looking exhausted, came into the room. Eames looked up and frowned. "You promised..."

He held up a hand. "I know, I know, and I'm sorry. Things got a little...involved and we couldn't spare anyone."

"Involved?"

He read the panic on her face and shook his head. "He's ok. He's in recovery."

"Explain 'involved'."

"They went in and removed the fragment with no problem. There was no further trauma to his spinal cord and he should recover from that with no problem, just like I told you earlier. But then his blood pressure bottomed out and they had to find out why. We missed another fragment, another very small fragment. It was lodged in an artery and when it dislodged, it caused some hemorrhaging. It was very fortunate for him it happened when it did. They're doing an abdominal ultrasound now, before we send him back upstairs, to make absolutely certain that's it."

"So he's okay?"

"He is now. But he's been through the ringer, again. It'll take awhile to get back his strength. But it should come back more quickly now, and the inflammation should go down quickly, too. Why don't you and your friends go on up to his room and wait for him? It'll be another hour or so before they're ready to return him to his room."

"No intensive care?"

Calloway smiled. "No intensive care. You watch him closely enough. I'm comfortable with returning him to his room."

"Thank you, Dr. Calloway."

He winked at her and gently squeezed her shoulder. Silently, she sank down into a chair, staring at the floor. Logan and Barek looked at each other, not quite sure what to make of her. Together they approached her, Logan lowering himself into the chair beside her while Barek sat down in front of her. "Alex?" Barek said softly. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. "I swear...he's taking me to dinner when we get out of here, and we're so not going to the diner down the street."

Logan touched her chin and turned her face toward him. She met his eyes...and she couldn't hold on to her tough facade any more. She buried her face in his shoulder and cried. He looked at Barek with worried eyes as he gently caressed her hair. Barek took her hand, which she squeezed tightly. And they sat with her until she felt better and was ready to head upstairs to his room to wait some more.

-------------------------------------------

Once they got him back to the room and settled him into his bed, Logan and Barek took off. He hadn't woken during the transfer, but Calloway assured Eames he was fine. He needed to sleep off more of the anesthesia and he'd still be fairly groggy through the early part of the next day, but he assured her that was perfectly normal. Eames couldn't sleep, so she was waiting when he woke up. He smiled weakly at her. "So..." he said softly. "How'd it go?"

"I told you to behave. What part of that didn't you understand?"

"What did I do?"

"You hemorrhaged."

He frowned. "How'd that happen?"

"Another fragment they missed."

"How many more of those are floating around in there?"

"None. They did an ultrasound while you were in recovery. It looks clean now."

"How'd they miss it before?"

"It wasn't in your spine, so they didn't see it."

"Shit. Are you ok?"

"I'm...better."

"I'm sorry."

"On the positive side, it looks like everything's okay with your spine."

"So I'll be able to walk...and-and go back to work?"

"Dr. Calloway seems to think so."

He nodded. "So...you still have your partner..." he whispered.

"Yes, I do."

Leaning down, she kissed him. His eyes slid closed and he went back to sleep.

-------------------------------------

Logan walked into the room just after lunch. Both Goren and Eames were sleeping. He smiled and walked around the bed, squatting beside the chair Eames had fallen asleep in. He touched her cheek and she sat up. "Shhh," he whispered. "It's just me. Hey, I took the afternoon off. Why don't you go home, take a shower and catch a few hours of sleep in your bed? I'll stay here and if he needs you, I'll call. I'm sure he'll be fine. If he's up to it, we'll play some cards and wait for you to come back."

She studied his face. "Are you sure you don't mind?"

"Not at all. That's why I took the time off. Go on. Hell, I'll even play Scrabble with him if he insists."

She hugged him tightly. "I love you, Mike."

He laughed. "Go on. We'll be fine."

She got up and leaned over toward Goren, gently kissing him. He stirred. "Alex?"

"I'm going to run home for a little while, Bobby. Mike's here to keep you company until I get back. You ok with that?"

"Why wouldn't I be? Go on and be careful."

She kissed him again and headed out the door. Goren looked at Logan and grinned. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

"I'm tired. We were here half the friggin' night. Good thing, too, because Eames was really worried about you."

"Thanks for staying with her. I appreciate it."

"Hey, what are friends for...we lost a little sleep, but she needed us. How are you doing?"

"I'm in a lot of pain, but otherwise, not too bad. This whole ordeal has kicked my ass, Mike."

"Yeah...that's what I've seen. But look at it this way...she came out of it unharmed."

Goren nodded. "Yeah. Thank God. I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't."

"That's a scary thought." Goren shifted in the bed, trying to stifle a moan. "What can I do?"

"Get one of the nurses."

"Pain?" He nodded. "Sure. I'll be right back."

Goren settled back, trying to ignore the fire that flared across his entire lower back and into his abdomen. But he couldn't. Logan was back after a minute. "She's getting you some medicine."

"Thanks."

He gritted his teeth and waited until the nurse came in. She smiled at him, took his blood pressure and gave him the medicine. "That should give you some relief."

He nodded. "Thanks."

Logan stood up to watch her leave. Goren gave him a smack across the stomach. "Behave yourself."

"Hey, I was just looking."

Goren just smiled, starting to relax a little as the medicine began to work. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Um, Eames told me my brother fired at you and Barek when you got to the apartment."

"He did."

"You were hit?"

"It was nothing. Just a grazed wing. I've had bruises that were worse. I got real damn lucky because I wasn't vested."

"Um...which one of you hit him?"

"We both did. One in the chest and one in the gut."

"Which...killed him?"

"Does it matter?"

"I want to know."

"According to the surgeons, it was the chest injury that did him in. That would have been me. Forgive me, man, but I'm not sorry. I should be, and that's what I told IAB, that I was sorry. But I'm not. The bastard deserved what he got...and he fired first. If it's caused you any grief..."

"It hasn't. Not what happened to him. But what he's done to Eames...that does bother me."

"What he did to her? He didn't do anything..."

"She...is having a hard time coming to terms with his hatred, Mike. And she's fostering some hate of her own, and I don't want that. She's been trying to get me to talk about Bill, but I don't want to stir any of that up for her. I...want her to get over this, and I don't want her to hate him. He's not...worth an emotion that powerful."

"I see what you're saying. But you've gotta talk it out with her. I think she'll be fine if she doesn't end up losing her partner over this."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'll be back to work as soon as they'll let me. Bill isn't going to win. I won't let that happen."

"Keep that attitude and he'll never win. Speaking of Bill...Rodgers has his body on ice until you give her word what to do."

"Got a pen?"

Logan pulled a pen from his pocket and handed it to him, along with his notepad. Goren wrote a few lines and handed it back to him. "That's the cemetery Dad is buried in. They can bury him near Dad. I'll cover the cost."

"That's damn decent of you."

Goren shrugged. "He's still my brother. I may not owe him anything, but I'll do it for Mom's sake. I don't think she could handle it."

"I'll tell Rodgers. You up for some cards?"

"Sure, for a little while."

"Still tired?" He nodded. "If you'd rather sleep..."

"I think I can handle a few hands of rummy."

Logan grinned and pulled the card deck from his pocket. "I'll deal this time. It took me four hands to recover from the last time I let you deal."

Goren laughed, adjusted himself in the bed and watched him shuffle.


	20. A Heart Filled With Hate

Gradually, the inflammation went down, as Calloway had predicted, and feeling returned to the lower half of his body. Intense physical therapy helped him regain his strength. By the time he was ready to leave the hospital, he needed only the help of a cane, and he wouldn't need that forever. The physical therapy was scheduled to continue, and he worked on the exercises himself. He was making good progress.

He still had not been able to bring himself to discuss his brother. It would wait until he was out of the hospital, so she wouldn't have that to worry about as well. He knew that Logan was right. It was something they had to deal with if they were ever going to get past it and move on. And he needed desperately to move on. All he wanted to do was make sure she was okay, to help her deal with her hate, and then move on with their lives. Above all else, he did not want her to hate...because if she continued to carry that around, eating at her insides...then Bill would have won, and he was not going to let that happen.

-------------------------------------

He was laying on the couch, dozing lightly. She had gone out to the store and, much as he didn't want to, he'd opted to remain home. He still had a ways to go before he recovered his stamina and his energy, and he still had a lot of pain to deal with. He really didn't want to overdo it and compromise the progress he'd worked so hard to make.

She returned after an hour and a half with three bags of groceries. She carried them into the kitchen and put them away, leaving out a half pound of spaghetti and a jar of sauce. It was nowhere near as good as Bobby's sauce, but it would do.

The smell of the cooking meal woke him. He turned onto his side and groaned softly when pain flared through his lower back. The doctors assured him that as long as he felt pain, and it gradually diminished, he was fine. So far it had not diminished much, but he'd only been home for a week. He sat up slowly and let himself wake up. Then he got up, grabbed his cane and limped into the kitchen. He stepped up behind her and slid his free arm around her waist, leaning down to kiss the side of her neck.

She rested her hand over his and squeezed. "Feeling okay?"

He straightened and muttered, "Not as well as I want to."

"You have to give it time, Bobby. You walked out of that hospital, and that's an achievement. He didn't win."

His arm tightened around her waist at the mention of his brother. "That still remains to be seen," he whispered in her ear.

With a frown she watched him limp from the kitchen. What could he have meant by that?

She finished fixing dinner and dished it out. Carrying the plates to the table, she hesitated, watching him. He was sitting at the table with his head resting on his folded arms. She set down his plate and ruffled his hair lightly. "Want some medicine?"

"I already took it."

"Then eat. You'll feel better."

She sat beside him and watched as he sat up and pulled his plate in front of him. Sighing, she said, "What did you mean by that?"

"By what?"

"What remains to be seen?"

"Whether or not Bill has won."

"You're alive, Bobby, and you're recovering. You'll go back to work soon. Granted you're not going to be chasing suspects for awhile, but that will come with time. Tell me how he's won."

"I didn't say he did."

"But...?"

"But...how are you feeling? About him, I mean."

Now she understood. She looked down at her plate, pushing the spaghetti around with her fork. She sighed. "I'm very angry. Where does he get off doing this to you...first tormenting you, then trying to take your job, and finally trying to kill you?"

"It's nothing he hasn't done before...well, except for the brutality complaint."

She frowned. "He's tried to kill you before?"

He nodded. "When I was a teenager. He, um...came after me with a baseball bat. He was drunk, and he'd just lost a helluva lot at the track. So he tried to take it out on me."

"What happened?"

"Lewis did. He...helped me disarm him. Then we took off to his house. He...bandaged me up and his folks let me stay until Bill left. He waited for three days, then he left. Of course, when Dad caught up with me, I paid for running off, but I was used to that. Really, Eames...my childhood is not something you want to hear about, and it's not particularly something I want to relive. But if it can help you let go...I'll relive every episode."

"No, no...don't do that."

"Then let it go. You...can't hate him. I'm not going to let you. I hated him for a long time, and it was a raw spot on my soul. It just...ate at me. I will not be responsible for that happening to you."

"How did you let it go?"

He took a few bites as he carefully formed his answer. "I realized that I was using a lot of energy and it was getting me nowhere. It wasn't worth it. _He_ wasn't worth it. I forced myself to stop hating him, to stop loving him...to stop feeling anything for him...except pity. That I never managed to get rid of. But it's not a high-energy emotion, so I was okay with that."

"And now that he's gone?"

"There's nothing left. I...made arrangements for him to be buried and now I'm ready to move on."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because he was my brother and it was my responsibility. I don't have to love him to live up to my responsibilities. He was buried near Dad, and that's...fitting."

"When did you make those arrangements?"

"Well, I didn't take care of all of it. I just let Rodgers know the name of the cemetery and agreed to take care of the bill. Mike took care of what I couldn't."

She frowned. "Mike?"

Why would he choose Logan to do that and not her? She didn't have to wait long for her answer. "I wasn't going to ask you to do it. You're too close to it. And after you told me you hate him..." He shook his head and pushed away his nearly empty plate. "I need to lay down."

She watched him get up and limp to the couch. Taking a few more bites, she took the plates into the kitchen and joined him. He was still sitting, so she sat down and pulled his head into her lap. He looked up at her. "I know it's not easy. It took me years. But I have to know you can get past this, or _we_ won't be able to get past it."

"I'm trying. It's just not fair." She gently played with his hair. "I don't understand. My brothers...would never, ever do this to one another, or to anyone, for that matter."

"Your brothers were not raised by my father. They had a good, decent upbringing by good, decent parents. My brother was raised by a mean, alcoholic gambler who had no use for his younger son. At least I still had my mother's love to salvage me, when her mind could allow her to give it. I think she knew Bill was a lost cause, but she felt she could salvage me. And she did. But my real saving grace was Lewis and his parents. I think I turned out okay, in spite of it all. I think I made out better than Bill ever did, because I have you. So something must be right in here..." He tapped his temple. "...and in here." He laid his hand over his heart.

Leaning down, she kissed him. "How can I fight that logic?"

He laughed softly and nestled his head against her abdomen. "Put your energy into me. Let Bill rest in peace...or torment...whichever awaits him."

She sighed heavily. "Torment," she whispered. "Because that's what he left for you."

"I'm not tormented...not much any more. You've chased most of that away. I...I sleep again at night. It's been a long time since I've been able to do that." His eyes were mostly closed when he asked, "Would it help for you to see his grave?"

She hadn't thought about that. "Why?"

"Because if it will cause you any trouble, I'll have Logan go with me."

"Why are you going?"

"I need to say good-bye. I need the closure. And I need for Bill to see that he has not won. I'm alive...I'm whole...and I can still smile."

She kissed his forehead. "I'll go with you."

"One condition."

"What's that?"

"You leave whatever you are feeling in his grave. I need you to come out of that cemetery whole, Alex...or I can never be whole. And _then_ Bill will have won, because he would have taken the best part of you away from me."

"And what part is that?"

"Your heart. A heart filled with hate cannot love."

She nodded. "Ok, Bobby."

She settled back into the couch, continuing to play with his hair and caress his forehead. He readily fell asleep. A heart filled with hate cannot love. Well, she did love him, so purging herself of the hate that remained shouldn't prove all that difficult. She was not going to let Bill win. Not ever.


	21. Closure

It was a good day for closure. The sun shone brightly through the reds, golds and browns of autumn foliage. Goren shifted uncomfortably in the driver's seat, glancing at his partner from time to time. She hadn't said much since they'd gotten up that morning. He wondered what she was thinking. "Alex?"

She looked at him. "What is it?"

"Um, what's going on?"

"We're on our way to pay our last respects to the man who tried to kill you."

"That's not what I meant."

"I'm still very angry, Bobby. I'm not sure I'm ready."

"How much longer do you want to wait?"

"I'd rather never do this."

"That's not an option, and you know it."

"Has the headstone been set?"

"I think so."

She watched him as he shifted his position again. "Uncomfortable?"

"My back hurts."

"But you're okay?"

"Fine. It's not any worse than it has been."

"Maybe we should do this another day."

"No. We're doing it today. I told you, I need the closure, and so do you."

"I know. But you can't blame a girl for trying."

He smiled and held out a hand. She slipped hers into it without hesitation, and he squeezed. When he turned into the cemetery, her hand tightened on his. He glanced at her, disturbed by the absence of color in her face. "He's dead, Eames. He can't hurt me--he can't hurt us--any more."

"But he still exists in your nightmares, and mine."

He took a deep breath. That hurt to hear. "I...I'm sorry."

Her hand tightened more. "Don't you even go there, Goren. It's not your fault."

He wasn't going to argue. "I'll tell you what...whenever he visits your dreams, call me."

"I am not going to call you at three o'clock in the morning."

"Why not?"

"That's insane, Bobby."

His thumb lightly caressed the back of her hand and she felt an involuntary tremor course through her. She hated it when he did that, and she loved it at the same time. He slowed the car. "It really is okay, Eames."

"I'll tell you what. I'll save up all my nightmares for when I spend the night with you. Then we can deal with them all at once."

He pulled the car to the side of the lane and parked it. "How about getting rid of them once and for all?"

She looked at him, reaching out to lightly stroke his cheek. "Let's give it a shot."

They got out of the car and he came around to the grass to join her, still limping with the use of a cane. Sliding her hand into his, she let him lead her through the headstones. There was no trace of his smile, just a furrowed brow. His mouth was firmly set and his eyes were dark. She felt...apprehensive. She had no idea what to expect and that always made her nervous, especially with him.

He stopped. She looked at the headstone of the grave he faced. _William Goren, Sr_. His father. For him, it all started with this man. He released her hand and stepped closer to the headstone. She came around to the other side of the grave, so she could see his face. Quietly, he said, "Part of the responsibility lies with him. He robbed my brother of his ability to love. Once he taught Bill that women were objects to be used and men were marks to be manipulated, what was left for Bill to believe in?"

Softly, she asked, "Do you have _any_ good memories of him?"

"Some. He...knew how to charm, especially when he wanted something. His...hatred toward me began after Mom got sick, because he couldn't handle it. I was her favorite, so he knew he could strike at her through me. After that it just got easier for him, until he forgot not to hate." He sighed. "Even after that, though, there were times when he could be kind...but only when his friends were around and he wanted to show off what a good dad he could be. That didn't happen often because he wasn't around often. Well, you know how I feel about that."

"You...chose this headstone?"

"Yes."

"And the words?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Those are not the words I would have expected you to choose."

He sighed softly, finally turning his head to meet her eyes. She couldn't read his expression."It was my job, Alex, to play the part of a loving son. This rock is going to stand for a very long time. I will not have it be a monument to bitterness and hatred. I couldn't do that. It isn't a reflection of him, you know. It's a reflection of me. And I didn't lie. The words are true."

She read the marble one more time before he turned away from the grave and she followed. _William Goren Sr, 27 January 1935-16 November 2000. Gone, but not forgotten._

The look on his face had not softened. He'd not had it in him to put _beloved father_ on the marble. Maybe Bill would have, but he had no idea where Bill had been, so the task had fallen to him. It had all fallen to him. He had done the best he could.

He led her to a spot several rows away. Logan had been out here, and he'd told him where it was. It wasn't difficult to find. Her hand found his and she squeezed; her knuckles were white. He gently squeezed back. "It's okay," he whispered. "It's over."

New marble, freshly carved, sat at the head of the fairly new grave._ William Goren, Jr. 15 February 1956-12 July 2005. To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven._

Eames stared at the inscription. "Did you choose the inscription?"

"No. I was in the hospital. Mike chose it. He told me he chose a generic quote because everything that came to mind was... inappropriate. You know Mike."

"He should have used one of his ideas."

Goren sighed and released her hand, slipping an arm around her waist. He leaned his head against hers and whispered, "Please, don't. He can't do any more harm. Let it go. Let _him_ go." He kissed her temple. "Because if you can't, neither can I...and I need to." His voice remained soft as his breath whispered past her ear. "If you can't do it for yourself, Alex, then do it for me."

She sighed heavily, squeezing his waist and resting her head against him. His hand rested on her side, just above her hip. She stared at the grave, then she looked up at the man beside her. "You're right."

"About what?"

"I should put my energy into loving you instead of hating him. He's gone and any emotion is wasted on him. But you...you're here, and you deserve to be loved. You did nothing to deserve what he did to you, and there's no way I can change that." She placed her hand over his. "But I can make it better for you."

"What can you make better?"

"Your life."

"You have always done that." He tipped his head down so he could see her face. Reaching toward her, he touched her chest, just to the left of her breastbone, over her heart. "He has to turn this loose," he whispered. "Or he wins."

"Never. He will never win." She drew his hand down, placing his palm over her heart. He closed his eyes. "It's about time you came out on top, Bobby."

He opened his eyes and looked at her. "Maybe you should rephrase that."

"Why?" she smiled.

"I...I, uh..." He sighed. "I-I'm done here. Are you?"

She nodded. "I am. From now on, it's just you. I can't say I'll never get angry for things that once happened, but, that's part of the price I am willing to pay for loving you." His face hovered just in front of hers, and she closed the distance to give him a deep kiss. He raised a hand, letting it hover near her face, but never actually touching her. He didn't need to. She was drawn further in by the heat of his passion. With great effort, he drew back, taking a deep breath and adjusting the cane to support him when he staggered slightly. How the hell did she do that?

"P-price?"

"Nothing worthwhile is ever free. You know that. So I burn off some anger once in awhile. That could work to your advantage."

"But the hatred?"

She shook her head. "He is not worth it," she agreed with him. "I have much better things to do with my passion...things that will not lead to an ulcer."

"Like what?" he asked, eyes bright.

"Let's get out of here and we can experiment."

She started walking back toward the car. Experiment? If it meant what he thought it did, experiment was about to become his new favorite word. He limped off after her, not casting another thought, glance or emotion in the direction of the two graves he was leaving behind. Happy to leave them to the reward their lives had earned, he caught her before she got in the car, pulled her into his arms and kissed her again.

* * *

_To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven (Ecclesiates 3:1)_


End file.
